


Superhero Shenanigans

by peterparkerpanic



Series: crack texts [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Bisexual Alya Césaire, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Demisexual Adrien Agreste, F/F, F/M, Group chat, Lesbian Chloé Bourgeois, Literal Crack, M/M, MLB texts, PROUD TO ANOUNCE THERE IS ACTUALLY A PLOT, Pansexual Adrien Agreste, Queer Nino Lahiffe, That fic that nobody asked for, does it have a plot?, group chat au, groupchat au, groupchat fic, had fun writing it though, i did legitimate research for this fic be proud, no beta we die like men, probably not, still figuring out the formatting so excuuuuse me, text au, texting au, texts, then again there might be one that develops as we go along, then again who needs a proofread its a text fic typis can be made
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-11-29 02:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20954732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterparkerpanic/pseuds/peterparkerpanic
Summary: Team Leader: it’s me or communism take ur pickRich and cute: …is it bad im still attractedPurr-fect: no I relateFoxy Lady: the entire world relatesFoxy Lady: im in a relationship and both me and my boyfriend relateTurtle-y awesome: can indeed confirmOr, another crackfic where the heroes of Paris get a group chat





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha i love reading these kinds of fics so i wrote one of my own here u go i hope u like it i grew it myself

**Carapace has made the group ‘Super Besties’**

**Carapace has added Chat Noir, Ladybug, Rena Rouge, Queen Bee**

**Rena Rouge has renamed themselves ‘Foxy Lady’**

**Queen Bee has renamed themselves ‘Rich and cute’**

**Carapace has renamed themselves ‘Turtle-y awesome’**

**Ladybug: **This is a bad idea.

**Chat Noir: **Hi everyone!!!!!

**Foxy Lady: **Hi chat!! And im glad you have so much confidence in us <3

**Rich and cute: **I hope we don’t talk on this much, I’m a busy person.

**Ladybug: **Yes!! I was actually going to mention that – this chat is mainly for akumas, right?

**Turtle-y awesome: **also team bonding but yes

**Ladybug: **Ok, then we need some rules.

**Rich and cute: **Not to intrude on the rules thing but is anyone else literally dying

**Foxy Lady: **Yes

**Chat Noir: **yes

**Turtle-y awesome: **Woah, context??

**Rich and cute: **Ladybug

**Turtle-y awesome: **Oh

**Turtle-y awesome: **yes

**Ladybug: **Rule #1, no making Ladybug uncomfortable!!

**Chat Noir has renamed ‘Ladybug’ ‘Team Leader’**

**Chat Noir: **Go crazy, kids. Loophole.

**Team Leader: **?????

**Rich and cute: **Lmao what else do u expect us to do on here

**Team Leader: **talk about akumas maybe??? Idk

**Team Leader: **not like this chat was made for any specific reason or anything

**Foxy Lady: **hfovjhlvdjoa shade

**Turtle-y awesome: **but… we can still talk about other stuff right

**Team Leader: **Rule #2 don’t use the @ unless it’s serious stuff

**Team Leader: **I’m not very good at checking my phone but if you @ me for no reason I’ll ignore u all

**Rich and cute: **cold

**Foxy Lady: **Umm chat where u at

**Chat Noir: **Sorry, still fangirling. Continue.

**Team Leader: **#3 is no identity stuff!!

**Rich and cute: **: ((((((((((

**Team Leader: **Mk we all know who you are but for the rest of us

**Foxy Lady: **I actually agree with that one

**Foxy Lady: **What if someone gets our phone

**Chat Noir has renamed themselves ‘Purr-fect’**

**Purr-fect: **Nobody will suspect a thing.

**Rich and cute: **Is there a facepalm emoji? I need a facepalm emoji

**Team Leader: **You guys!!! We need more rules

**Turtle-y awesome: **rule #4 no more rules

**Foxy Lady: **kinda weak but u go babe

**Turtle-y awesome: **thanks babe

**Purr-fect: **Rule #5 no pda it’s gross

**Team Leader: **fair

**Rich and cute: **fair

**Foxy Lady: **Not fair?!

**Team Leader: **we should write these down somewhere

**Purr-fect: **My Lady!! That’s… lame!!

**Rich and cute: **how dare you insult her like that

**Foxy Lady: **!!!!!PDA!!!!!

**Rich and cute: **rule #6 pda for ladybug is allowed

**Turtle-y awesome: **fair

**Foxy Lady: **fair

**Purr-fect: **fair

**Team Leader: **I was literally gone for like ten seconds wtf

**Rich and cute has renamed the group ‘Ladybug cult’**

**Team Leader: **I feel very uncomfortable

**Foxy Lady: **But Ladybug… we luv you

**Rich and cute: **<33333333333

**Team Leader: **I will beat you up

**Purr-fect: **hot

**Turtle-y awesome: **!!!!!PDA!!!!!

**Rich and cute: **uh no

**Rich and cute: **we only celebrate Ladybug here

**Rich and cute: **and whilst chat is being gross

**Rich and cute: **he’s abiding the laws

**Team Leader: **I am so uncomfortable right now

**Purr-fect: **Hey, how come Ladybug gets proper capitalization but I don’t?

**Rich and cute: **because she’s worth it

**Rich and cute: **and because you type like a nun

**Turtle-y awesome: **do nuns even have phones???

**Foxy Lady: **Off topic

**Foxy Lady: **Probably not

**Team Leader: **ANYWAY

**Team Leader: **I’ll probably mute this chat? I’ll come on as much as possible but I live a busy life : ((( plus superhero duties

**Team Leader: **as I said, @ me when there’s a problem

**Rich and cute:** sad, the superhero thing is kind of a full time job we should be getting paid

**Rich and cute: **just googled the nun thing it depends on the convent

**Rich and cute: **wonder if they have their own finances

**Team Leader: **ALSO

**Team Leader: **my data plan is shitty so if you text me about an akuma and I haven’t responded but I’ve read it im probably on the way??? I’ll try my best though

**Foxy Lady: **oh my god she swears

**Turtle-y awesome: **oh my god she has a phone

**Rich and cute: **Ladybug… relating to the every day person??? Unfathomable

**Foxy Lady: **says u you hypocrite

**Rich and cute: **Did you just… use u and you one after the other

**Foxy Lady: **gotta get that contrast in + it’s a gay thing

**Rich and cute: **fair

**Purr-fect: **fair

**Turtle-y awesome: **fair

**Team Leader: **fair

**Turtle-y awesome: **I think we all relate

**Team Leader: **whilst that would be an interesting conversation… back to the topic on hand???

**Purr-fect: **Yes My Lady!!! Share your wisdom!!!

**Team Leader: **when was I actually elected team leader

**Foxy Lady: **it was u or chat take a lucky guess

**Team Leader: **but… shouldn’t this be like a joint thing???

**Purr-fect: **Communism never succeeds, My Lady.

**Foxy Lady: **weirdly ominous but also true

**Purr-fect: **Thanks, my history tutor says it to me every five minutes

**Turtle-y awesome: **lmao I have a friend who’s tutor says the same thing

**Team Leader: **wasn’t there a rule about personal stuff????

**Team Leader: **rule #7 NO IDENTITY STUFF

**Foxy Lady: **that was rule #3

**Foxy Lady: **thought you were supposed to be writing these down :/

**Rich and cute: **how dare u insult her

**Team Leader: **it’s me or communism take ur pick

**Rich and cute: **…is it bad im still attracted

**Purr-fect: **no I relate

**Foxy Lady: **the entire world relates

**Foxy Lady: **im in a relationship and both me and my boyfriend relate

**Turtle-y awesome: **can indeed confirm

**Team Leader: **can’t take this bullying anymore

**Team Leader: **when I get back the rules will be memorised

**Purr-fect: **Rules are meant to be broken, M’Lady.

**Rich and cute: **says u

**Team Leader: **no??? they literally aren’t??? that’s the entire point???

**Team Leader: **whatever

**Team Leader: **night u guys

**Team Leader: **if you don’t get sufficient sleep I will murder u

**Purr-fect: **Good night, Bugaboo!!!!!

**Foxy Lady: **bye you guys have good dreams or whatever

**Rich and cute: **I respect that you guys have good sleep schedules but im just gonna hang out

**Purr-fect: **Haha same!

**Rich and cute: **Want to watch a movie?

**Purr-fect: **I do! I have a rabb.it account! Ladybug introduced me to it.

**Rich and cute: **Let’s watch a Ghibli movie, they always make me kinda sleepy

**23:09**

**Rich and cute: **Chat? Did you fall asleep?

**Rich and cute: **whatever good night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't rememeber writing this chapter, i fully believe i was possessed by the crack for like 45 mins.
> 
> Leave comments and kudos if u liked this!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bring on the crack two chapters in 24 hours im on a sleep deprived roll here

**Group: Ladybug cult**

**08:13**

**Rich and cute: **good morning, cruel world

**Rich and cute: **anyone else dying?

**Team Leader: **couldn’t even go back to sleep, so I’ve chugged two coffees and am now shaking sufficiently

**Turtle-y awesome: **sorry I missed it

**Team Leader: **tbh I don’t blame you

**Team Leader: **seems like the only alarms I don’t sleep through are akuma attack ones – and that’s because I have my kwami to hound me

**Purr-fect: **Is everyone okay?

**Rich and cute: **we should be asking you that

**Foxy Lady: **morning y’all has anyone got a spare will to live

**Purr-fect: **I’m good!!!!! And good morning Rena!!!

**Foxy Lady: **don’t avoid the question Chat

**Purr-fect: **I’m good, I promise

**Purr-fect: **My kwami absorbed like 90% of the damage so now my ribs are a little sore, but Plagg is happily eating cheese.

**Purr-fect: **Everything will be good as new in a few days!

**Team Leader: **whatever you say

**Team Leader: **how about everyone else? Apart from the obvious sleep deprivation.

**Foxy Lady: **I’m good.

**Turtle-y awesome: **same

**Rich and cute: **I’m also managing

**Team Leader: **Good. Whilst I wasn’t sleeping, I had time to think about a couple things

**Foxy Lady: **oop are we in trouble

**Team Leader: **no!!! I was referring to patrols

**Team Leader: **up until now Chat and I took the brunt of them, but I was thinking if you guys didn’t mind dedicating your time we could do two patrols a week, and we don’t really need a whole group meeting, we can just talk on here

**Foxy Lady: **lotta words

**Turtle-y awesome: **that sounds fair!

**Rich and cute: **tbh I was waiting for you guys to bring that up

**Rich and cute: **patrolling seems fun

**Purr-fect: **It is!! It really helps to clear your head, and Paris is really pretty at night.

**Team Leader: **but it gets a bit much doing it two hours a day, three hours a week, you know?

**Purr-fect: **I can take the first shift! I like getting out of the house.

**Rich and cute: **…is that positive or no

**Turtle-y awesome: **u good chat?

**Purr-fect: **no I’m fine!!! Promise.

**Team Leader: **his optimism is flawless

**Team Leader: **how do we tell when it’s fake

**Foxy Lady: **we’ll come back to it

**Turtle-y awesome: **back to patrols – I can do the second?

**Foxy Lady: **I vote we literally go in a circle unless someone can’t do one day

**Rich and cute: **I’ll go third

**Team Leader: **what is this, a playground

**Foxy Lady: **omg u guys

**Foxy Lady: **Ladybug and I had the same childhood

**Turtle-y awesome: **yesss me too im so honoured

**Rich and cute: **can’t relate

**Team Leader: **stoppp im uncomfortable

**Team Leader: **also why is this chat still called ladybug cult

**Team Leader: **im unoriginal. Someone else change it

**Purr-fect: **My Lady, you could never be unoriginal!

**Turtle-y awesome has renamed the group ‘Lucky Charm’**

**Turtle-y awesome: **I tried. I thought it was clever.

**Foxy Lady: **it was a good try babe

**Turtle-y awesome: **thanks babe

**Rich and cute: **!!!!!PDA!!!!!

**Purr-fect: **They are literally just doing it to wind us up, which is mean

**Team Leader: **idk about you guys but my school starts in like 10 mins and I haven’t even left yet so byeee

**Foxy Lady: **lmao I’m already at my school

**Rich and cute: **Ladybug could never be late she’s perfect

**Purr-fect: **Bye My Lady!!!!! Have fun at school today!!!!

**Team Leader: **thanks chat

**Team Leader: **are you secretly twelve

**Purr-fect: **What? No!!! Why would you say that?

**Team Leader: **the puns… the typing…

**Foxy Lady: **now that you’ve pointed it out…

**Rich and cute: **it could make sense…

**Turtle-y awesome: **…

**Purr-fect: **Literally shut up I’m almost eighteen

**Purr-fect: **I’m too tall to be a twelve-year-old boy.

**Purr-fect: **If we’re judging by height, Ladybug should be like nine.

**Team Leader: **Rude!!!!

**Team Leader: **I’m actually leaving now.

**Rich and cute: **haha im taller than Ladybug fools read it and weep

**Foxy Lady: **I’m older than u chat

**Foxy Lady: **why does that sound so strange

**Turtle-y awesome: **so am I actually! I’m already eighteen

**Purr-fect: **Well don’t rub it in my face

**Foxy Lady: **we can do so many things, chat…

**Turtle-y awesome: **drink alcohol…

**Foxy Lady: **vote…

**Turtle-y awesome: **get tattoos…

**Foxy Lady: **get married…

**Turtle-y awesome: **hey babe that was my one

**Foxy Lady: **read off google like the rest of us you coward

**Purr-fect: **I now understand what Ladybug was feeling as she was being bullied.

**Rich and cute: **if it helps I’m also seventeen

**Purr-fect: **But I know your civilian identity and you could literally get whatever you want.

**Rich and cute: **I tried u guys,,,,, didnt work out

**Team Leader: **I made it into school!!

**Purr-fect: **Welcome back My Lady! You must live really close to your school.

**Team Leader: **yea, walking distance, although im usually late in the morning because of it

**Team Leader: **what did I miss?

**Foxy Lady: **ahem excuse me imma go cry in a pillow idk if that was a Hamilton reference or not

**Team Leader: **it was, but I was also genuinely asking

**Foxy Lady: **if u hear screaming its me not an akuma

**Turtle-y awesome: **apparently chat and queenie are babies of the group

**Purr-fect: **I’m almost eighteen!!

**Team Leader: **I’m still seventeen too, but I know queenie’s birthday is after mine by a long shot

**Team Leader: **team baby

**Team Leader has renamed Rich and cute ‘Team Baby’**

**Team Baby: **I should be offended but I match Ladybug I can’t scrounge up anger

**Purr-fect: **I want to match!!!

**Purr-fect has renamed themselves ‘Team Chat’**

**Team Chat: **mwahaha

**Team Leader: **yeah he’s like seven

**Team Chat: **Fight Me

**Team Leader: **bring it on leather boy

**Foxy Lady: **oof no

**Turtle-y awesome: **never again

**Team Leader: **I shot my shot it didn’t land i regret nothing

**Team Baby: **the cringe is real

**Team Chat has renamed themselves ‘Leather Boy’**

**Leather Boy: **My Lady finally gave me a nickname that isn’t just another word for Chat, I’ll take it.

**Team Leader: **oop my teacher just walked in bye u guys

**Foxy Lady: **lmao same

**Foxy Lady: **rule follower

**Team Leader: **don’t get caught!!! U need ur phone for super secret emergencies

**Team Leader: **goodbye!!!

**Leather Boy: **Goodbye, My Lady!

**Turtle-y awesome: **rule follower

**Team Baby: **:/

**Team Baby: **she has a point…

**Foxy Lady: **literally leave me alone I won’t get caught I’m putting away my phone now

**Turtle-y awesome: **talk to u guys later : )))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave me comments they make my day and inspire me to write more of this shit :)))


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i tell you this is a legitimate conversation i would have, i am not being sarcastic. Also, 3 chapters in 2 days! My roll is continuing

**Group: Lucky Charm**

**02:56**

**Turtle-y awesome: **yo u guys

**Turtle-y awesome: **nothing akuma related

**Turtle-y awesome: **but have you guys ever noticed that I’m practically a teenage mutant ninja turtle?

**Turtle-y awesome has renamed themselves ‘Michelangelo’**

**Michelangelo: **chat I know you’re there it says you’re online

**Leather Boy: **Sorry!!! I thought you were having a moment.

**Leather Boy: **Also, it’s like 3am, and I was trying to sleep.

**Michelangelo: **haha same, I was woken up by this weird crash like ten minutes ago and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

**Leather Boy: **Weird crash…?

**Michelangelo: **lmao what

**Leather Boy: **Is it an akuma?

**Michelangelo: **oh

**Michelangelo: **oh shit

**Michelangelo: **Rena is going to kill me

**03:20**

**Team Leader: **get some sleep y’all

**Team Leader: **also, thanks to **@Leather Boy @Michelangelo **for showing up after we purified the akuma, it was greatly appreciated

**Michelanglo: **it’s not my fault hawkmoth never sleeps

**Foxy Lady: **babe it was so obvious

**Foxy Lady: **you were woken by a crash

**Foxy Lady: **what would it be except for an akuma

**Team Baby: **in a way I’m weirdly happy he finally had that epiphany

**Team Baby: **although Raphael is obviously the best turtle

**Foxy Lady: **no leo

**Team Leader: **tbh, that show brings up weird memories for me, I had a childhood friend who had a legitimate crush on one of them

**Michelangelo: **lmao they were hot what do u expect

**Team Leader: **eww

**Foxy Lady: **do you think there’s TMNT fanfiction

**Team Baby: **probably, don’t really want that in my search history though

**Team Leader: **fair

**Michelangelo: **fair

**Leather Boy: **Just googled, the answer is that there is a lot of stuff out there.

**Leather Boy: **Ladybug, care to elaborate?

**Team Leader: **that is literally the entire story

**Team Leader: **she had a massive crush on Donatello, to the point where she could quote everything he said in the show

**Team Leader: **she probably wrote smut about him tbh

**Foxy Lady: **it’s like half past 3 in the am I did not expect to be talking with the Ladybug about TMNT porn

**Team Leader: **not porn, smut

**Team Leader: **it’s different

**Michelangelo: **eww people write smut about me

**Team Leader: **me too bitch you aren’t that special

**Michelangelo: **I was talking about the ninja turtle…

**Team Leader: **my statement still remains

**Foxy Lady: **there are many Ladynoir shippers

**Team Baby: **umm Ladynoir isn’t the only ship

**Team Baby: **are we not going to acknowledge that this means that all of us read fanfic

**Team Leader: **who our age doesn’t read fanfic

**Foxy Lady: **I even wrote it for a while before it started getting written about me and became weird

**Team Leader: **you lucky bitch I wish I was good at writing

**Team Baby: **you literally save Paris on a daily basis wtf

**Michelangelo: **I’m sure you’ve got talents Ladybug

**Team Leader: **: (((((((((((((

**Leather Boy: **Yo team baby can you change your name, I’m getting confused.

**Team Baby: **how dare you

**Team Baby: **use the word ‘yo’ unironically

**Team Baby has renamed Leather Boy ‘heathen’**

**Team Baby has renamed themselves ‘Rich and cute’**

**Rich and cute: **I liked this nickname but it didn’t get its deserved time in the sun

**heathen has renamed themselves ‘Heathen’**

**Heathen: **there we go

**Michelangelo: **lmaoo wtf

**Team Leader: **at this point I have learnt that it is just better not to judge

**Team Leader: **now sleep its late

**Heathen: **night bugaboo

**Michelangelo: **night y’all

**Foxy Lady: **babe u aren’t American

**09:46**

**Foxy Lady: **my nickname is the only one that hasn’t been changed

**Foxy Lady: **plus the group name is shitty

**Foxy Lady: **help me come up with ideas

**Team Leader: **im in the middle of a test

**Team Leader: **muting y’all

**Heathen: **Me too My Lady! But I finished a few minutes ago. Rena, what kind of name do u want?

**Foxy Lady: **a good one preferably

**Michelangelo: **I’m here coz I am also in a test but everyone is on their phones so like

**Team Leader: **!!!!!PERSONAL STUFF!!!!

**Michelangelo: **oh no we’re all taking a test this bad luck must mean we are all in the same class :/

**Foxy Lady: **haha as if

**Rich and cute: **I’m in an art lesson so go wild rena what do u want ur name to be

**Foxy Lady: **im asking u guys for ideas!!!

**Rich and cute has renamed Foxy Lady ‘The other one’**

**The other one: **rude

**The other one: **take two; Carapace it’s ur turn

**Michelangelo has renamed The other one ‘Carapace’s bae’**

**Carapace’s bae: **still eww??? Idk it’s slightly better but im still not feeling it u know

**Carapace’s bae: **Chat go

**Heathen: **aaahhhhh what do I do

**Carapace’s bae: **aww look he’s learning to type like a human being

**Heathen has renamed Carapace’s bae ‘Not Volphina’**

**Not Volphina: **fhdshlflhfd that bitch

**Not Volphina: **I really thought we could come up with a good one

**Not Volphina has renamed themselves ‘Foxy Ladu’**

**Foxy Ladu: **I guess not : (

**Heathen: **ladu

**Michelangelo: **ladu

**Rich and cute: **ladu

**Team Leader: **ladu

**Foxy Ladu: **tf Ladybug I thought you were doing a test

**Team Leader: **I got curious sue me

**Team Leader has renamed Foxy Ladu ‘Foxy Lad’**

**Team Leader: **haha its like we’re british

**Foxy Lad: **says u

**Foxy Lad has renamed Team Leader ‘Literally a bug’**

**Literally a bug: **hey

**Literally a bug: **u said it yourself, I save Paris once a day

**Rich and cute: **actually that was me but im not complaining

**Literally a bug: **shddfjkbj im failing my test

**Literally a bug: **its physics

**Literally a bug: **I hate physics

**Heathen: **!!!!!PERSONAL STUFF!!!

**Literally a bug: **lov u chat but what’s the equation for work done

**Rich and cute: **force x distance

**Rich and cute: **…

**Rich and cute has reamed themselves ‘Rich and smart’**

**Rich and smart: **;)))))))

**Literally a bug: **ur the best!!!!

**Rich and smart: **fsdldadfjhjdodfjjdksodkjfd

**Rich and smart: **what are brain functions

**Heathen has renamed Rich and smart ‘Rich and gay’**

**Rich and gay: **accurate

**Heathen: **My test is about to end, and I should hide my phone before the teacher sees! Bye everyone!!!

**Foxy Lad: **I’m legit in the same situation, bye u guys

**Rich and gay: **u can’t just leave me here

**Michelangelo: **im still here : ((((

**Rich and gay: **ye but im gay cant u read the nickname

**Michelangelo: **me too bitch join the club

**Michelangelo: **well right now im dating a girl but I would be very happy to get at chat noir if the chance ever presented itself

**Heathen: **…

**Michelangelo: **haha ok bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the story about a childhood friend is true :( now every time i hear about the TMNT i think of her :( anyway leave kudos!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im lowkey worried about how fast i write these chapters it's like i have years worth of pent up crack for this fandom and it's all just suddenly coming out

**Group: Lucky Charm**

**07:03**

**Literally a bug has renamed themselves ‘Ladybug’**

**Ladybug: **I should not be awake

**Ladybug: **I should have twelve more minutes to sleep before my first alarm goes off

**Ladybug: **im in pain

**Ladybug: **you guuuuys

**Ladybug: **fine im going back to sleep

**07:32**

**Rich and gay: **u guys I need advice

**Rich and gay: **and I know y’all are up because you’re reading my messages

**Foxy Lad: **ok what’s happening

**Michelangelo: **give us the deets

**Rich and gay: **I like a girl I want to ask her out how

**Rich and gay: **also I cant speak to her coz im scared so

**Michelangelo: **big mood

**Foxy Lad: **literally shut up

**Foxy Lad: **are u guys close? Like hang out just the two of you outside of school close

**Rich and gay: **well I mean yeah probably

**Rich and gay: **civilian me doesn’t have many friends remember people hate me

**Michelangelo: **big oof

**Foxy Lad: **babe ur not helping

**Michelangelo: **im showing I feel her

**Foxy Lad: **no ur not

**Rich and gay: **no you’re not

**Rich and gay: **haha snap

**Rich and gay: **now help

**Foxy Lad: **just kind of be like ‘hi do u want to go on a not platonic date with me’ and then smile

**Rich and gay: **can’t do that

**Foxy Lad: **why not???

**Rich and gay: **she intimidates me

**Rich and gay: **she’s like,,, super strong all the time

**Rich and gay: **she’s bros with one of my hoes

**Rich and gay: **they take fencing together

**Heathen: **Did you just call Adrien Agreste a hoe?

**Rich and gay: **how do you know it was Adrien

**Heathen: **My incredible deduction skills, obviously

**Michelangelo: **morning chat

**Heathen: **Good morning Carapace!!! How are you?

**Michelangelo: **caffeinated

**Rich and gay: **uhm hi help im still panicking

**Rich and gay: **it took me a really long time to tell her I like girls and she told me she likes girls too and I ksivsjndofo

**Rich and gay: **u know?

**Foxy Lad: **get her flowers?

**Rich and gay: **I don’t know if she’d appreciate something as superficial as that

**Michelangelo: **damn Chloe that was some poetic shit

**Rich and gay: **im practically Sappho

**Rich and gay: **old, lesbian, can only talk about girls

**Ladybug: **shut up you’re like twelve

**Rich and gay: **???seventeen???

**Heathen: **Good Morning My Lady!!!

**Ladybug: **haha hi Chat wassup

**Heathen: **???????????

**Ladybug: **sorry im tired don’t take me seriously

**Rich and gay: **ladybug help me

**Ladybug: **I’m guessing you’re talking about kagami??

**Rich and gay: **yeah

**Rich and gay: **you know her coz she was akumatised right?

**Ladybug: **haha yeah totally

**Ladybug: **sorry

**Ladybug: **anyway I think flowers are a safe bet

**Ladybug: **what’s her favourite colour?

**Rich and gay: **idk it hasn’t really come up

**Rich and gay: **she hated me for a really long time and then we got caught in an akuma attack together and we ended up talking about the reason we hated each other, and it was all this huge misunderstanding

**Rich and gay: **then I told her I was gay

**Rich and gay: **now I want to ask her out

**Rich and gay: **she wears red a lot?? Or maybe purple

**Heathen: **It’s white

**Heathen: **Trust me on this one

**Rich and gay: **ok I can get her white flowers

**Foxy Lad: **lillies?

**Michelangelo: **dasies?

**Ladybug: **tulips are always cute, or roses

**Rich and gay: **shjsjdifhdks you’re making this hard

**Heathen: **Pick the flowers you like the most, Queenie

**Heathen: **Good luck!!

**Rich and gay: **don’t you dare leave me im not ready yet

**Ladybug: **haha what if you got Ladybug to deliver the flowers with a special note

**Rich and gay: **don’t you dare go after my woman Ladybug

**Michelangelo:** this is surprisingly entertaining

**Foxy Lad: **babe literally stop she’s stressing

**Foxy Lad: **but everything will be fine

**Foxy Lad: **we better be the first to know what happens

**Rich and gay: **wait wait what about if she asks where we’re going

**Ladybug: **dinner and a movie

**Ladybug: **works every time

**Michelangelo: **yeah you can chat over dinner and snuggle for the movie

**Rich and gay: **is it too early to invite her to my house to watch the movie?

**Ladybug: **has she been to your house before

**Rich and gay: **well, yeah, everyone’s been to the hotel

**Ladybug: **but like with you

**Rich and gay: **no

**Foxy Lad: **doesn’t matter make your move

**Heathen: **You got this Chloe!!!

**Rich and gay: **I’ll update you guys in a couple of hours

**Ladybug: **good luck!!!

**Michelangelo: **luck!

**Foxy Lad: **… how else do u tell ur idiot boyfriend off

**15:19**

**Rich and gay has renamed themselves ‘Rich and taken’**

**Rich and taken: **GUESS WHICH HOE GOT HERSELF A DATE

**Rich and taken: **IT’S ME BITCH

**Ladybug: **congratulations!!!!!!!!! How did it go?

**Rich and taken: **I saw her outside her locker and gave her the flowers, and told her I liked her and asked her if she wanted to go out with me

**Rich and taken: **she was so cuteee omg she blushed and said she’d ask her mom but hopefully yes

**Rich and taken: **and then she called her mom and we’re going to hang out tonight

**Foxy Lad: **I always though kagami’s mom was uptight

**Rich and taken: **I think she sees me as a good person to be around because my father’s the mayor

**Rich and taken: **to be honest I don’t care

**Rich and taken: **omg

**Heathen: **What?

**Rich and taken: **what do I wear?

**Michelangelo: **ofdhodhd you useless lesbian

**Michelangelo has renamed Rich and taken ‘Useless Lesbiam’**

**Useless Lesbiam: **lesbiam

**Ladybug: **lesbiam

**Michelangelo:** stop??? There are bigger issues at hand

**Useless Lesbiam: **you broke my ‘Rich and __’ train

**Michelangelo: **oh well

**Useless Lesbiam: **I think im gonna touch up my makeup but wear what I’m wearing now

**Useless Lesbiam: **thanks u guys

**Useless Lesbiam: **also I cant make patrol

**Foxy Lad: **yeah no shit

**Ladybug: **don’t worry, I’ll cover you

**Ladybug: **your social life is more important

**Useless Lesbiam: **sjhfgfjefjhgfjk <333333

**Heathen: **Have fun on your date!!

**Useless Lesbiam: **haha thanks Chat

**Heathen: **My Lady, do you want some company on your patrol tonight?

**Ladybug: **that would be nice

**Foxy Lad: **gah im third wheeling bye

**Michelangelo: **im??? Right here????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudo me!!!! and comment!!!!!! yaaaaay!!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all this is technically within the day-by-day update thing
> 
> also im holding onto a piece of mega angst i wrote at 4 am that puts our faves through hell but has a happy ending do y'all want it

**Group: Lucky Charm**

**23:48**

**Heathen: **Akuma just outside that one school where everyone gets akumatised

**Useless Lesbaim: **sohekd I’m up I’ll tease u about improper use of grammar tomorrow

**Ladybug: **omw

**Ladybug: **details?

**Heathen: **Someone was kicked out of a club, I think

**Ladybug: **it’s a Wednesday

**Heathen: **Which is probably why they kicked him out at midnight.

**Ladybug: **eta 2 mins hang in there chat

**Useless Lesbiam: **im here where r u

**00:31**

**Ladybug: **is everyone okay?

**Useless Lesbiam: **miserable but yes

**Heathen: **Ladybug, are you okay?

**Ladybug: **yeah I will be by morning

**Ladybug: **Carapace? Your shield took a beating

**Michelangelo: **all good im going to sleep

**Ladybug: **understandable. Night y’all

**Heathen: **Goodnight, My Lady.

**Useless Lesbiam: **night

**08:23**

**Foxy Lad: **uurrrgh guess who’s a sick bitch

**Foxy Lad: **rlly sorry I wasn’t there last night, the medicine I took knocked me out for 12 hours straight

**Ladybug: **lucky u I am dying

**Heathen: **How are you physically?

**Ladybug: **exhausted

**Ladybug: **and a bit sore, if that’s what you’re after

**Ladybug: **I’ll patrol today and my kwami can heal me a bit

**Ladybug: **or take a much needed nap in the suit

**Michelangelo: **nap??? Im in

**Useless Lesbiam: **superhero sleepover

**Useless Lesbiam: **im up for it

**Foxy Lad: **I’m sick don’t you dare do this without me

**Michelangelo: **aww babe we’d never leave you

**Ladybug: **pda

**Useless Lesbiam: **where’s the enthusiasm??

**Heathen: **!!!!!PDA!!!!!

**Useless Lesbiam: **yea like that

**Ladybug: **it’s too early for all that noise

**Ladybug: **it’s too early for capital letters

**Heathen: **I don’t think that’s how it works, My Lady.

**Ladybug: **ugh my head the capitals

**Heathen: **sorry

**Useless Lesbiam: **wooooowwww

**Useless Lesbiam: **well you all know my civilian identity so if you ever want to do that sleepover thing show up at the hotel??

**Heathen: **We should arrange a date

**Useless Lesbiam: **omg chat im already tating someone

**Ladybug: **tating

**Michelangelo: **tating

**Foxy Lad: **trating

**Ladybug: **aww rena u tried ur best

**Foxy Lad: **literally shut up

**Foxy Lad: **im SICK

**Ladybug: **ah capitals

**Heathen: **My Lady, I’m beginning to think you’re making up the capitals thing.

**Ladybug: **when I see capitals my brain reads them a loud way its too early for that shit

**Michelangelo: **surprisingly valid

**Michelangelo: **yo, has anyone else realized that akumas are getting stronger and stronger?

**Ladybug: **yeah

**Michelangelo: **do you think we’re getting closer to the end?

**Ladybug: **hope so

**Heathen: **Yeah, me too.

**Heathen: **I can’t imagine fighting Hawkmoth for the rest of our lives.

**Useless Lesbiam: **how old do you think Hawkmoth is?

**Ladybug: **older than us

**Michelangelo: **I want to say childbearing age???

**Foxy Lad: **I agree

**Foxy Lad: **although I cant imagine someone that physically evil being a child

**Heathen: **You’d be surprised

**Useless Lesbiam: **^^^^^^^ what he said

**Ladybug: **uuhhh are you guys okay?

**Heathen: **I’m okay My Lady! Not something to talk about right now.

**Useless Lesbiam: **yeah me too family sucks that’s about it

**Ladybug: **im sorry

**Foxy Lad: **oof

**Michelangelo: **press f to pay respects

**Foxy Lad: **f

**Foxy Lad: **-uck you

**Foxy Lad: **old meme bitch

**Michelangelo: **this is harassment

**Michelangelo: **ladybug

**Ladybug: **yeah yeah I saw I cant be asked to sort it out

**Ladybug: **work hard y’all I have to go to school

**Ladybug: **feel better soon rena

**Foxy Lad: **<333

**Useless Lesbiam: **<3

**Heathen: **<3

**Michelangelo: **<3333

**Foxy Lad: @Michelangelo **</3333

**Michelangelo: **: (

**11:57**

**Ladybug: **akuma attack in the park

**Foxy Lad: **won’t be able to make it

**Michelangelo: **yeah me either im in a test, can’t leave to transform

**Michelangelo: **\+ it isn’t close enough to my school for them to evacuate so I could escape

**Ladybug: **it’s okay, Carapace focus on your test

**Ladybug: @Heathen @Useless Lesbiam**

**Heathen: **I’m here!!

**Ladybug: **aim for wrist

**12:14**

**Ladybug: **ok I have to sleep

**Ladybug: **how can I fake sick

**Foxy Lad: **at my school they have a thing where if you’re tired enough they let you nap for an hour before sending you back to lessons

**Ladybug: **I’ll check it out

**Ladybug: **night

**Heathen: **Is she gone?

**Useless Lesbiam: **I think so

**Heathen: **Does anyone else feel like Ladybug carries most of this stuff?

**Heathen: **Like, we’re all having a bad time, but if we have to miss an akuma, we miss it. She has to be at every one.

**Useless Lesbiam: **I never really thought about it

**Michelangelo: **yo y’all guess who finished his test

**Michelangelo: **oh

**Michelangelo: **yeah I see that

**Michelangelo: **have you got a solution?

**Heathen: **I don’t know.

**Heathen: **Do we really need patrols? We have akuma alerts on our phones, kwamis to wake us up when they feel the bad energy, and limited time.

**Heathen: **It may be a good idea to limit it by either doing one a week, or cutting it down even more.

**Heathen: **Besides, we should probably leave the general crime to the police without taking their jobs.

**Michelangelo: **we can discuss it with LB when she gets up.

**Useless Lesbiam: **that’s actually a pretty good solution

**Useless Lesbiam: **now let’s bury this conversation through keysmash

**Useless Lesbiam: **ksoifhndclvgfhresdlcvighfrbenmskdiughfnemskdifh

**Heathen: **sdfhenwmdlfiguhrendkfighrenmkdofi

**Michelangelo: **sodifhneodif

**Useless Lesbiam: **wpoeijfhjd

**Michelangelo: **sofhgflskfhrejwoeifuvhn

**Heathen: **Key smashing makes me uncomfortable what if I break my keyboard

**Useless Lesbiam: **smh you don’t actually smash your keyboard

**Useless Lesbiam: **you just kind of type randomly all at once

**Heathen: **Oh.

**Heathen: **poeirfhgjkwlsdlfgjhfrhekwosodckjvbghfruiedkmvnghfreidfkvghfrueidkfvnghfrueidk

**Heathen: **That is much more satisfying.

**13:19**

**Ladybug: **you idiots I can still see the messages

**Ladybug: **oh

**Ladybug: **we can talk about all of that later

**Ladybug: **but thank you guys

**Ladybug: **and I mean this shit

**Ladybug: **I couldn’t have done this without you

**Ladybug: **I would have been dead physically AND mentally by now

**Ladybug: **<333

**Heathen: **sofughfjskldocivhgfreldfvoighfbendmvgirhn

**Heathen: **Look, My Lady, I mastered the keysmash

**Ladybug: **…

**Heathen: **<3

**Ladybug: **<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what??? do i see... a plot???
> 
> (i see it coz its my story but you don't.... yet)
> 
> For now, leave kudos and comments and luuuuuuvveeeeeeeeeee!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is hella early so if i have motivation i may write another one of these for today

**Group: Lucky Charm**

**15:50**

**Ladybug: **ok y’all I have some shit to say

**Useless Lesbiam: **oop

**Useless Lesbiam: **MOVE ASIDE LADYBUG HAS SOMETHING SHE WANTS TO SAY

**Ladybug: **fuck u

**Ladybug: **im pissed

**Heathen: **What’s wrong? Oifhje

**Useless Lesbiam: **yes get that keysmash but now is not an appropriate time

**Heathen: **Oh. When is?

**Useless Lesbiam: **let Ladybug spill her tea, I’ll show you

**Useless Lesbiam: **go go Ladybug

**Ladybug: **ok so im gonna try to keep this impersonal

**Ladybug: **there’s this girl in my class, let’s call her A

**Ladybug: **no not A let’s call her L for Liar

**Michelangelo: **im here spill that tea

**Ladybug: **yo Carapce sit back grab that popcorn

**Ladybug: **ok so L is a lying bitch as you may have gathered

**Ladybug: **she lies about being my (Ladybug’s) best friend??? (And I know half of paris does this) but everyone just… believes her??? I don’t get it

**Ladybug: **anyway, in the past she’s threatened me, given me the whole ‘oh im going to ruin your life just because you saw through my lies, everyone’s going to turn on you because they believe me’ shit

**Ladybug: **^^^ that was practically word for word ok

**Ladybug: **and so whenever we’re alone she always tells me this

**Ladybug: **BUT TODAY

**Ladybug: **THAT BITCH

**Ladybug: **ok so previously she’s walked down stairs, sat at the bottom and literally started crying right

**Ladybug: **and because im at the top of this staircase and nobody was around, I got blamed for pushing her???

**Ladybug: **OUR SCHOOL HAS CCTV WTF

**Ladybug: **anyway so today

**Ladybug: **L and I were in the hallway getting textbooks

**Ladybug: **and she literally slapped herself across the cheek

**Ladybug: **idk the science but her slapping herself would leave a different handprint to mine

**Ladybug: **PLUS my hands are literally tiny!!!! And hers are gigantic monster bitch hands

**Ladybug: **so I got suspended

**Ladybug: **ALSO IN THE PAST this thing happened where she got me expelled, but then confessed to being a compulsive liar

**Ladybug: **IF SHE CONFESSES TO BEING A COMPULSIVE LIAR WHY DOES EVERYONE BELIEVE HER

**Ladybug: **UURGGGGHHHHH

**Ladybug: **poiufhrjwpoeifuhgbfdjeodkmcnvbhfjdkl

**Heathen: **kwoeirfhghrjewo

**Useless Lesbiam: **not now, chat

**Useless Lesbiam: **that was a rage keysmash

**Ladybug: **so yeah that’s my situation if you hear aggravated screaming it is me I am SO annoyed at that bitch

**Heathen: **I have a friend in a similar situation, except she hasn’t been threatened by her friend. She also got suspended today, although my teacher didn’t release the details of why and the Liar in my class didn’t come back.

**Michelangelo: **lmao one of my friends was also suspended today

**Michelangelo: **don’t know what she did though

**Useless Lesbiam: **there’s a token Bitch in every school

**Useless Lesbiam: **used to be me but I’ve been overtaken

**Useless Lesbiam: **Y’all know my civilian identity right so I can release names

**Ladybug: **you know what yeah sure chloe go wild

**Useless Lesbiam: **k so there’s this girl called Lila in my class

**Useless Lesbiam: **literally horrible

**Useless Lesbiam: **she’s so obvious about her lies it hurts like once she said she was travelling with her parents, but we skyped her four times and the backdrop never changed

**Useless Lesbiam: **also her snap map said she was in Paris AND she posted a stock image once on her story and that’s it

**Useless Lesbiam: **like what??? If you’re going to be a lying fucking cow, at least put some dang effort into it

**Useless Lesbiam: **and the worst part is almost all of the people in my class believe her

**Useless Lesbiam: **as far as I know of, there are two that are on my side

**Useless Lesbiam: **you guys know I’m friends with that model Adrien right

**Heathen: **Yes.

**Ladybug: **yea

**Michelangelo: **yup

**Useless Lesbiam: **yeah, he’s a dork. Anyways, he sees through her lies

**Useless Lesbiam: **plus this other girl called Marinette, but Lila always targets her because marinette always wants to do good, and doesn’t want to see others hurt, so she tried to expose her once

**Useless Lesbiam: **I used to hate marinette but then I realized im gay af and I was just fixiating on Adrien so now it’s all chill

**Useless Lesbiam: **for a while I thought she liked him lmao

**Ladybug: **woifhwodifughfrjeiow9euhfjkd

**Heathen: **spoeriuthrenwkldoivughren

**Useless Lesbiam: **both of your keysmashes were in the wrong there

**Useless Lesbiam: **gosh can’t we just bitch in peace

**Useless Lesbiam: @Michelangelo **you’re up

**Michelangelo: **my life is drama free dude

**Michelangelo: **not a mofoing care in the world

**Ladybug: **are you 9 or are you 40

**Michelangelo: **excuse me I am a fully fledged eighteen year old

**Heathen: **Me too!

**Ladybug: **you can all go fuck yourselves

**Ladybug: **chloe and I are still dancing queens

**Ladybug: **young and sweet

**Useless Lesbiam: **only seventeen

**Ladybug: **I was going to say that

**Useless Lesbiam: **yeah no shit

**Ladybug: **ANYWAY

**Ladybug: **chat you’re up

**Ladybug: **spill everything

**Heathen: **I don’t really have that much to tell.

**Useless Lesbiam: **to spill

**Heathen: **???

**Useless Lesbiam: **you spill tea

**Heathen: **And?

**Useless Lesbiam: **akspfoiuehej he’s hopeless

**Heathen: **Oh! You keysmash in frustration!

**Useless Lesbiam: **ye u do

**Heathen: **Well then sodvhgfrenwkslxocivugfhrews

**Heathen: **What does tea have to do with this?

**Heathen: **wpodifuvhgfenmwlscpoviughfreksdlocifuh

**Ladybug: **u know what he’s getting there just leave him be

**Useless Lesbiam: **he is completely hopeless

**Michelangelo: **A* comedy

**Michelangelo: **hey what if chat actually understands all the memes and is playing us all

**Heathen: **I know what a meme is! It’s a funny photo and a piece of text.

**Heathen: **I googled it a while ago.

**Useless Lesbiam: **a true baby

**Useless Lesbiam has renamed Heathen ‘A baby’**

**A baby: **I am not a baby.

**A baby has renamed themselves ‘Chat Noir’**

**Chat Noir: **I am the defender of Paris!

**Chat Noir: **I am fierce and strong!

**Chat Noir: **I am 6 foot 3 and still growing, I think!

**Ladybug: **literally no need for that

**Ladybug: **us shorties are feeling the pain

**Useless Lesbiam: **who is us you’re the small one

**Ladybug: **ojhfndlodihffreodk

**Ladybug: **don’t rub it in

**Chat Noir: **It’s ok, My Lady! You’re small just like a Ladybug!

**Ladybug: **then how come you’re massive

**Chat Noir: **Genetics!

**Ladybug: **oh my literal god leave science out of this I hate biology

**Michelangelo: **you can say that again

**Useless Lesbiam: **I also hate science

**Useless Lesbiam: **but only because I have literally the worst teacher in the world

**Useless Lesbiam: **she talks at us for an hour and then expects us to have absorbed all of that information

**Michelangelo: **believe me, I relate

**Ladybug: **there have been 2 akumas today right

**Ladybug: **there shouldn’t be any more

**Useless Lesbiam: **I bet hawkmoth is feeling tired af

**Ladybug: **anyway I was wondering if y’all wanted to hop onto a voice chat and we can do homework and talk and stuff

**Ladybug: **might be nice, plus im gonna be hella bored SUSPENDED

**Chat Noir: **That sounds like a really nice idea!

**Michelangelo: **I’m down

**16:13**

**Ladybug has started a Voice Chat**

**Chat Noir, Michelangelo and Useless Lesbiam have joined**

**19:28**

**Michelangelo has left the Voice Chat**

**21:39**

**Useless Lesbiam has left the Voice Chat**

**00:14**

**Voice Chat has been ended**

**07:01**

**Foxy Lad: **how come I always miss the good shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always tell you to leave kudos (!) and comments (!!!) but for all that have thank you so much i love you all please marry me y'all make my week
> 
> OOP and also plot is coming im building it behind ur backs, but at the same time what do u guys want to see them talk about


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't name chapters, but if I did, this one would be called 'the Fursuit'
> 
> Also, two chapters in a day!! Who is she??

**Group: Lucky Charm**

**08:15**

**Foxy Lad: **LMAOOOO have u guys checked the Ladyblog yet or no coz u should definitely hit that shit up

**Ladybug: **subtle

**Ladybug: **thought you were sick?

**Foxy Lad: **I was, but I took some magical pills and slept for like a day straight and I superhealed

**Foxy Lad: **go check the Ladyblog

**Chat Noir: **What is a ‘Fursona?’

**Useless Lesbiam: **what a wake up call you guys

**Michelangelo: **sodifhgrhejkodfhbr

**Chat Noir: **What’s frustrating?

**Foxy Lad: **hey im a furry too you guys

**Michelangelo: **BABE

**Foxy Lad: **YA

**Michelangelo: **why didn’t you tell me this sooner

**Ladybug: **!!!!!PDA!!!!! KEEP IT PG-13 IN HERE

**Foxy Lad: **eww you were the only one thinking that shit

**Michelangelo: **yeah Ladybug get your mind out of the gutter

**Chat Noir: **?????????

**Useless Lesbiam: **a furry is a person who is interested in human-like animals

**Useless Lesbiam: **the ladyblog is hinting to, what the downside to furry-ism is, porn basically

**Chat Noir: **I still don’t understand.

**Foxy Lad: **WHY DO YOU WEAR LEATHER AROUND ALL DAY

**Chat Noir: **I don’t wear it all day, only when I’m Chat Noir.

**Chat Noir: **And the leather of my suit is surprisingly comfortable.

**Ladybug: **leave him alone

**Ladybug: **what about you rena, are you a furry

**Foxy Lad: **SO WHAT IF I AM

**Useless Lesbiam: **I would gasp but I am Not Surprised

**Foxy Lad: **shut up chloe you’re borderline furry

**Foxy Lad: **we are all basically furries

**Ladybug: **can we not have this conversation

**Foxy Lad: **I bet you there’s furry fanfiction of all of us!

**Useless Lesbiam: **ok I can gasp at that

**Chat Noir: **I don’t read fanfiction rated over anything over Teenage Audience(s)

**Chat Noir: **I tried once and it was disgusting, never again

**Ladybug: **idk I don’t mind it, just not about me

**Ladybug: **what do you mean it was disgusting, Chat?

**Chat Noir: **It just kind of made me feel icky

**Chat Noir: **How do people even do that?

**Michelangelo: **are we going to ignore that Ladybug just admitted to reading smut

**Useless Lesbiam: **Chat, what’s your sexuality?

**Foxy Lad: **uh abrupt much

**Chat Noir: **I’m bisexual, I think.

**Chat Noir: **I just kind of like everyone.

**Useless Lesbiam: **have you ever considered that maybe you’re on the asexual spectrum?

**Michelangelo: **oh my god everything makes sense I thought you were just hounding him

**Chat Noir: **What’s the asexual spectrum?

**Useless Lesbiam: **like, if you aren’t attracted to sex

**Useless Lesbiam: **or maybe you are, but only if you form a really strong emotional connection with the person

**Useless Lesbiam: **like could you imagine doing it with Ladybug

**Ladybug: **oh my god chloe

**Chat Noir: **I can’t say that!

**Useless Lesbiam: **ok well then is there someone in your personal life that you could imagine wanting to have sex with

**Chat Noir: **I think so

**Useless Lesbiam: **when did you realize you wanted to have sex with them?

**Chat Noir: **For the girl I’m thinking of, I only realized my attraction when we became close friends. Before, I think she was scared of me or something – every time I spoke to her, she stuttered and ran off.

**Useless Lesbiam: **interesting

**Useless Lesbiam: **anyone else got input?

**Foxy Lad: **there’s this girl I know who’s asexual and she kind of found out about it herself

**Foxy Lad: **I can ask her a couple questions if you have any??

**Ladybug: **I know it isn’t always the best idea, but try taking a quiz online?

**Ladybug: **they helped me

**Ladybug: **but you don’t ever have to actually put a label on it if you don’t want to

**Michelangelo: **what about the bisexual thing? I get that if you like calling yourself bi, you’re bi, but it sounds like you’re describing a pan

**Chat Noir: **Why would I be talking about a kitchen?

**Michelangelo: **no lmao, pansexual

**Michelangelo: **you fall in love without taking gender into the equation

**Useless Lesbiam: **this is where I bow out I’ve always only been attracted to girls

**Ladybug: **valid girls are hella cute

**Ladybug: **but im bi!!!

**Foxy Lad: **yes Ladybug get it me too

**Michelangelo: **Chat?

**Chat Noir: **Sorry, I was using google. I’m halfway through a quiz, and I searched up pansexuality.

**Chat Noir: **To be honest, being pansexual sounds more accurate than bisexual.

**Ladybug: **!!!!!! Im proud of you Chat

**Chat Noir: **Thank you, My Lady!

**Ladybug: **get back to that quiz

**Ladybug: **y’all who was ur gay awakening

**Useless Lesbiam: **Keira Knightly, the Pirates of the Caribbean series, aged 6. I remember it so clearly

**Foxy Lad: **weirdly relatable

**Foxy Lad: **mine was lowkey kinda late – Brie Larson

**Ladybug: **Captain Marvel?

**Foxy Lad: **Room, surprisingly, but after I realized, Captain Marvel was the best movie to watch

**Foxy Lad: **my first ever girl crush + endless muscles and fight scenes + nineties music = Rena heaven

**Useless Lesbiam: **I never really looked at Brie Larson like that

**Ladybug: **hoo I did

**Ladybug: **Carapace?

**Michelangelo: **I saw fight club when I was like 11 and I have never gone back

**Foxy Lad: **oo Brad Pitt?

**Michelangelo: **baby u know first rule of fight club is we don’t talk about fight club

**Michelangelo: **(yes)

**Useless Lesbiam: **what about you, Ladybug?

**Ladybug: **for me it was a girl I know in my civilian form

**Ladybug: **I was starstruck for about two weeks, then it faded, now we’re besties

**Ladybug: **I’d say Cate Blanchett though she was so hot

**Foxy Lad: **preach sister

**Michelangelo: **Chat? Are you done?

**Chat Noir: **It says I’m demi-sexual!

**Useless Lesbiam: **does that feel like a label that fits?

**Chat Noir: **I think so!

**Ladybug: **if you feel weird about it later, nobody can stop you from changing the labels you identify with, it’s your choice

**Chat Noir: **Thank you guys!!!

**Chat Noir: **Also, my gay awakening was Adrien Agreste.

**Michelangelo: **oh please everyone in the entire world is attracted to Adrien Agreste

**Useless Lesbiam: **everyone attracted to men

**Ladybug: **when he walks down the street he is doing God’s work

**Ladybug: **which makes you extra valid!!!!!!!!!!

**Chat Noir: **Thank you, My Lady.

**Ladybug: **anytime, Chaton.

**Foxy Lad: **I love having this convo but my school is about to start and they’re hella strict about phones

**Ladybug: **oh shit I have to get to school bye!!

**Michelangelo: **bye y’all

**Useless Lesbiam: **noo I like being publicly gay let’s continue talking about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir is teasing them all??? This one was super fun to write, and I'll have to update my tags because of it - leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed it!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S THIS FIC'S ONE WEEK BIRTHDAY!!!

**Group: Lucky Charm**

**14:07**

**Michelangelo: **Akuma near the Louvre

**Ladybug: **I know logically we should arrest hawkmoth but I want to kill him

**Chat Noir:** I’m doing something for my father, but I’ll try and escape!

**Foxy Lad: **on my way

**Foxy Lady: **as fast as my old bones permit

**Useless Lesbiam: **escape?? Chat that’s how I talk about my parents

**Useless Lesbiam: **you ok?

**Chat Noir: **Yes!!!!!!!!!

**Ladybug: **overenthusiasm.

**Ladybug: **LIES

**Chat Noir: **No!!!!!! I’m not lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Useless Lesbiam: **-_-

**Chat Noir: **Wow, that face is so cool!!!!! I never knew you could do that!!!!!!

**Ladybug: **stop changing the subject.

**Ladybug: **we’ll talk about this when the akuma attack is over.

**14:51**

**Ladybug: **Is everyone alright?

**Foxy Lad: **all good

**Michelangelo: **me too

**Useless Lesbiam: **I am also pretty good

**Useless Lesbiam: **do you think group training is a good idea? My muscles were not made for me to be a superhero

**Ladybug: **maybe we should just do patrol runs to build up stamina

**Ladybug: **doesn’t the suit give you extra agility

**Useless Lesbiam: **doesn’t stop me from getting winded

**Michelangelo: **chat bro we know you’re there

**Chat Noir: **Sorry!!!!! I didn’t know how to interject into the situation.

**Ladybug: **bullshit

**Foxy Lad: **omg ladybug used a bad word

**Ladybug: **chat, care to share?

**Chat Noir: **sofjhrjeejdoijf

**Chat Noir: **It’s awkward just talking about personal stuff.

**Ladybug: **nobody here is judging you, chat.

**Chat Noir: **Okay.

**Chat Noir: **Do you remember whenever we have nightmare akumas, my nightmare is always being barred into my room?

**Chat Noir: **I just feel trapped in my life, sometimes.

**Chat Noir: **My mother is out of the picture, so all I really have as family is my father, and my kwami but Plagg doesn’t count – but I never really see him.

**Chat Noir: **After my mother disappeared, we grew really far apart.

**Chat Noir: **For a really long time, he didn’t let me go to school, but getting out of the house for something other than what my father has scheduled for me feels really good.

**Chat Noir: **But he never lets me do extracurricular activities like the other kids my age.

**Chat Noir: **I don’t know. It’s weird. I’m sorry.

**Ladybug: **Don’t be sorry!!!!! None of this is your fault, okay?

**Chat Noir: **You can say that, Ladybug, but you don’t know the full situation.

**Ladybug: **You’re right. I don’t know the full situation. But I do know that you’re literally the funniest, happiest, most amazing person I know, and paris would be worse off without you.

**Ladybug: **victim blaming is a big thing, but I know for a fact that your father’s actions are not your fault.

**Michelangelo: **I have a civilian friend in the same kind of situation

**Michelangelo: **if you ever need anything that you can’t ask civilian friends for, you have four awesome superhero buddies that would be thrilled to come and chill with you on some rooftop

**Foxy Lad: **I’d have to bring homework, but that actually sounds really cool

**Chat Noir: **Thank you guys.

**Ladybug: **I’m on food detail!!! There’s this bakery I literally love, and if I show up as ladybug they always want to give me free food

**Useless Lesbiam: **The Dupain-Chengs?

**Ladybug: **yes!!!!

**Useless Lesbiam: **I’m coming I want to pay

**Ladybug: **no it’s fine, they always say it’s the stuff they couldn’t sell

**Useless Lesbiam: **I can afford it, and there’s this girl in my class that lives there that I can say hi to.

**Ladybug: **well fine whoever gets there first

**Useless Lesbiam: **:P

**Michelangelo: **meet on the Eiffel Tower?

**Foxy Lad: **sounds good. Ten minutes?

**Useless Lesbiam: **I can be there in five

**Ladybug: **I can be there in four!

**Useless Lesbiam: **you can’t intimidate me I have a girlfriend

**Ladybug: **what the fuck does having a girlfriend have to do with this

**Useless Lesbiam: **can’t text im at the damn bakery before you

**Chat Noir: **Have I told you guys I love you all?

**Michelangelo: **ofhejkpdfoiguhfrejkldfoij

**Foxy Lady: **pweoifuhrejkdocviufh

**Michelangelo: **we love you too, dude

**Michelangelo: **but in the spirit of rivalry I can so get around Paris faster than you

**Chat Noir: **You’re a turtle.

**Michelangelo: **The turtle beat the hare!

**Chat Noir: **Not the Chat!

**Foxy Lad: **ok im waiting at the Eiffel tower alone

**Ladybug: **do your work

**Ladybug: **queenie and I are wrestling on a rando rooftop for baked goods

**Useless Lesbiam: **I bought them

**Foxy Lad: **how the hell are you typing a narration

**Ladybug: **my incredible skills

**Useless Lesbiam: **speak to type

**Useless Lesbiam: **give me the croissants chloe

**Useless Lesbiam: **sorry

**Foxy Lad: **whatever see y’all in a bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im tired can you leave a comment they make my life :))))))))))))  
also ladybug is hella smooth at hiding her identity right


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters are getting lowkey smaller and i need to start the main plotline but i want to maintain the crack becauser the plot is like 10 chapters max and i don't want this fic to end :(((

**Group: Lucky Charm**

**05:43**

**Foxy Lad has renamed the group ‘Ladybug worshippers’**

**Foxy Lad: **all is fixed in the world

**Ladybug: **what the actual fuck it is too early for this kind of fuckery

**Ladybug: **why are you up at 5 in the am

**Foxy Lad: **why are YOU up at 5 in the am

**Ladybug: **because my fucking phone buzzed

**Ladybug: **no capital letters please

**Ladybug: **hurts my brain

**08:08**

**Michelangelo: **haha morning you too

**Ladybug: **fuck you all

**Michelangelo: **oop someone’s aggressive in the morning

**Ladybug: **I had homework and responsibilities and I have probably had about three hours of sleep

**Foxy Lad: **Oof

**Useless Lesbiam: **Sometimes It Be Like That

**Ladybug: **I hate all of you

**Foxy Lad: **probably a good balance considering we’re all in love with u

**Michelangelo: **you’re like the female Adrien Agreste

**Michelangelo: **God has placed you on this earth for other people to have their eyes blessed

**Ladybug: **stop this cult

**Michelangelo: **No.

**Chat Noir: **They’re right!!!

**Chat Noir: **My Lady, you are incredibly beautiful.

**Ladybug: **Nobody can beat Adrien Agreste.

**Foxy Lad: **You could top me over Adrien any day

**Useless Lesbiam: **if I wasn’t in a beautiful committed relationship, me too

**Useless Lesbiam: **be in a threesome with us

**Chat Noir: **That’s gross!!! But as I was about to say

**Chat Noir: **In every fanfiction you’re in, there’s always a really long setting paragraph describing your beautiful hair and eyes.

**Chat Noir: **There’s quite a discourse in the fandom over which colour your eyes are.

**Ladybug: **blue

**Chat Noir: **Cerulean, sky, or teal?

**Useless Lesbiam: **cerulean any day

**Michelangelo: **excuse you her eyes are the colour of the fucking sky

**Chat Noir: **You see?

**Ladybug: **I am unsettled that there is fanfic about me

**Chat Noir: **I read some of it! It’s funny.

**Chat Noir: **And I like to pretend I’m a famous youtuber doing a reaction video.

**Foxy Lad: **I read my fair share of Ladynoir before I became Rena

**Foxy Lad: **if one of my bros recommends me one now, I’d still tap on it

**Foxy Lad: **people are talented

**Ladybug: **haven’t we had this conversation?

**Michelangelo: **not in the context of not-smut

**Michelangelo: **I’ve been shipped with Chat, Ladybug and Rena

**Chat Noir: **I think I’ve been paired with all of you!!! My Lady the most, though.

**Ladybug: **For me it’s the same.

**Ladybug: **I think most of the fan works are Lady Noir centric.

**Foxy Lad: **because y’all are a divine pairing

**Useless Lesbiam: **sodfjhejkodfij was that a cloak and dagger reference

**Foxy Lad: **ofhrenkfoihrbe yes queenie I didn’t know you were into marvel

**Useless Lesbiam: **When I’m not browsing the Ladybug x Queen Bee tag, I tend to dip into the Natasha Romanoff x Reader

**Useless Lesbian: **there’s a fair share of fics where we meet the avengers actually

**Useless Lesbiam: **Ladybug and Captain America get on great apparently

**Ladybug: **I’ve had a crush on Steve Rogers since 1944

**Chat Noir: **?????

**Ladybug: **Hot Damn.

**Michelangelo: **you can say that again

**Foxy Lad: **But queenie – Wanda? She’s so sweet

**Useless Lesbiam: **Nat owns my heart literally leave me alone

**Michelangelo: **let’s go back to talking about stuff I can relate to

**Michelangelo: **Chat, you want to start a youtube channel???

**Chat Noir: **I don’t think it would ever happen, but doesn’t everyone think about it?

**Chat Noir: **I just think, in my superhero form, it would be fun to find ways to interact with our fans.

**Chat Noir: **The only information most of them have about us is from that cartoon movie.

**Useless Lesbiam: **woah most of them

**Useless Lesbiam: **chat who you been flirting with

**Chat Noir: **I have not been flirting with anybody.

**Chat Noir: **Don’t you guys have civilian friends that you visit in your suits?

**Ladybug: **no

**Foxy Lad: **no

**Michelangelo: **nope

**Useless Lesbiam: **no but everyone knows who I am so it’d be pointless

**Ladybug: **tell us more

**Ladybug: **but keep it impersonal. No names

**Chat Noir: **There’s this girl that I talked to a couple of times in akuma attacks. We were kind of acquaintances, but one time I was patrolling and she was on her balcony, and she waved, and I waved back. It kind of became a tradition, until one day about a year and a half ago, she invited me into her room for cookies. We’ve been friends ever since.

**Foxy Lad: **sounds like more than just friends

**Chat Noir: **We’re just friends!!!!!!!

**Michelangelo: **how often do you hang out with balcony girl?

**Chat Noir: **A few times a week? It used to be whenever I patrolled, but then I started going out just to see her, and then patrols got cut down so now I go to her whenever I want to see her, really.

**Useless Lesbiam: **friends.

**Chat Noir: **We’re just friends!!!!

**Ladybug: **shut up you guys

**Ladybug: **are you staying safe when you visit her? Not letting anyone see?

**Chat Noir: **Of course. I don’t want to put her at risk.

**Foxy Lad: **this is literally so cute

**Foxy Lad: **this could be a romance novel

**Foxy Lad: **do you guys have nicknames for each other?

**Chat Noir: **She calls me ‘kitty’ (for obvious reasons), and I call her Princess, because it’s easy to make puns with and she literally lives in the tower part of her house. And she has a balcony.

**Michelangelo: **well next time you see balcony girl say hi from me

**Chat Noir: **The other week, she knitted me a sweater because it’s getting cold!!! If you want, I can ask her to knit you guys some.

**Useless Lesbiam: **I already have a designer friend that can knit queen bee clothes if I so desire them

**Foxy Lad: **that is literally so cute

**Michelangelo: **your friends don’t just knit you sweaters, chat

**Ladybug: **odughfehwjkdofgiufhre

**Chat Noir: **My Lady, you summed it up perfectly!

**Chat Noir: **We are just friends!!!

**Foxy Lad: **whatever you say…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaaaaay i published on time
> 
> thank you for reading!!! leave me a comment and i shall bless you with a very crack-filled, sleep-deprived reply :))


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this chapter was a day late!!!!!! this is a hella busy week for me, but since i know i won't have any time on saturday (guess who works like a 14 hour shift :))))) ) I'm gonna try and get two done for tomorrow!!!

**Group: Ladybug worshippers**

**16:01**

**Foxy Lad: **yo chat

**Foxy Lad: **I was thinking about what you said

**Foxy Lad: **doesn’t the ladyblog girl have a youtube?

**Foxy Lad: **ask her to help film, and start one of your own

**Foxy Lad: **updates would probably be hella patchy but I’m sure the public would love a vlog of a group patrol

**Foxy Lad: **right?

**Chat Noir: **Oh, I was kind of joking.

**Chat Noir: **I’m really busy in my civilian form. I don’t know if I’d have enough time to make constant videos as Chat Noir>

**Ladybug: **Plus the internet is buzzing enough with trying to figure out our identities. What if someone uses facial recognition software?

**Foxy Lad: **nah they’ve already tried that with photos, your magic mask prohibits that

**Foxy Lad: **and… updates don’t have to be regular? Sherlock came out 3 episodes a year or something and people still loved that shit

**Ladybug: **well yeah it’s benedict Cumberbatch

**Foxy Lad: **off topic but also yes

**Foxy Lad: **why don’t you contact her?

**Chat Noir: **What do I say?

**Foxy Lad: **‘hello Ladyblog owner. I was speaking to your friend, Rena Rouge, the best superhero, about starting a youtube channel – but I don’t believe I have enough time to post day-to-day videos. For this reason, could it be a once-in-a-while feature of your blog for the superhero team to post videos? Thank you.’

**Ladybug: **other than the obviously unnecessary parts, that was pretty well crafted

**Foxy Lad: **thank u I do try my best

**Michelangelo: **she wants to be a journalist

**Chat Noir: **That’s so cool! I have a civilian friend that wants to be a journalist, too. She’s super driven and hard working.

**Ladybug: **verging into dangerous territory here

**Ladybug: **also has anyone seen **@Useless Lesbiam **she’s usually hella active

**Useless Lesbiam: **stfu im on a date

**Michelangelo: **lmao that explains it

**Foxy Lad: **do u remember when we made this group and we were all in love with Ladybug but now we can safely tell her to fuck off

**Ladybug: **I wouldn’t

**Ladybug: **I have the power of god and anime on my side

**Michelangelo: **rip vine my soul

**Chat Noir: **Speak for yourself, pure souls don’t swear, and I’m still in love with you, My Lady

**Ladybug: **borderline creepy

**Foxy Lad: **fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fck fuck fuck fuck fcuk

**Foxy Lad: **who’s holy now

**Michelangelo: **still not you

**Chat Noir: **Also, what’s vine?

**Ladybug: **pdofgiubhgfeiowpdkfv oh my god no

**Foxy Lad: **he’s a baby

**Chat Noir: **Don’t judge me, that’s mean

**Michelangelo: **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

**Michelangelo: **idk if im ashamed or if this should really have been expected

**Ladybug: **spdofewjkd I love vine

**Foxy Lad: **if chat doesn’t get a youtube we should defo get a tiktok

**Foxy Lad: **I hear there are a bunch of memes about us on there

**Michelangelo: **sldkjfhhewjodj stop

**Foxy Lad: **don’t you mean sksksksksksksk

**Ladybug: **Rena’s going to show up to the next patrol with her hydroflask

**Foxy Lad: **says you, you literally wear pigtails

**Foxy Lad: **I bet you own like 100 scrunchies

**Ladybug: **so what if I do

**Michelangelo: **im fully for the save the turtles movement

**Michelangelo: **maybe we’re all secret vsco girls

**Foxy Lad: **lmao

**Chat Noir: **I understand nothing.

**Chat Noir: **Those videos were funny, though!

**Chat Noir: **And a lot of what my civilian friends say now makes sense

**Foxy Lad: **ok now let’s move on because this was a weird conversation

**Michelangelo: **can we make a new rule?

**Michelangelo: **anything chat doesn’t know, he has to google

**Michelangelo: **first it was keysmashing, then it was vines? What comes next

**Foxy Lad: **whwre do we draw the line

**Ladybug: **whwre

**Michelangelo: **whwre

**Useless Lesbiam: **whwre

**Foxy Lad: **you’re supposed to be on a date fuck off

**Useless Lesbiam: **I just walked her home so fuck off yourself

**Useless Lesbiam: **what’s up the rest of y’all I am in a very good mood

**Useless Lesbiam: **and I had an idea

**Useless Lesbiam: **we should so do group movie nights

**Useless Lesbiam: **have any of u guys got a laptop?

**Michelangelo: **you don’t?

**Useless Lesbiam: **I literally live in a hotel room

**Foxy Lad: **that changes nothing????

**Useless Lesbiam: **anyway you guys should all come over and we can watch some Disney or some shit

**Useless Lesbiam: **my favourite movie is la la land so if we want to start with that

**Ladybug: **wlekfhej I love la la land

**Useless Lesbiam: **I KNOW RIGHT IT WAS SO GOOD

**Useless Lesbiam: **but yeah if you guys have any movie recs

**Michelangelo: **kill bill vol. 1

**Foxy Lad: **back to the future

**Ladybug: **eww you nerd

**Chat Noir: **Empire Strikes Back

**Ladybug: **EWW YOU NERD

**Ladybug: **kidding I love star wars

**Useless Lesbiam: **what about you ladybug

**Ladybug: **I never got the chance to watch the animated ladybug and chat noir movie…

**Michelangelo: **OO DID U GUYS HEAR

**Michelangelo: **THEY MADE AN ANIME ABOUT US

**Foxy Lad: **WHATTT

**Ladybug: **my inner 12 year old is quaking

**Michelangelo: **ladybug is Brigitte and felix is chat noir

**Michelangelo: **I’ve actually been following season 1 pretty closely and it’s good

**Michelangelo: **it says that you two know each other in real life though

**Michelangelo: **the relationships are WILD

**Michelangelo: **very entertaining

**Useless Lesbiam: **I’ll write it down if you all start heading my way now

**Ladybug: **I’m bringing work but also omw

**Chat Noir: **I’ll be there!!!

**Foxy Lad: **we better watch back to the future

**Michelangelo: **wait im confused do we still need my laptop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know there was discussion of a youtube channel and i may au it (but i kinda want superhero vlogs so maybe just aged up! au) but i'm currently not in a position of enough time to fit that in with a regular schedule, so it may or may not be coming
> 
> Don't forget to leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed!!!!!!!! I love y'all!!!!! Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a smaller chapter but the second in a row and this one gave me feelings (lila is such a bitch, jesus) but enjoy!!!!!!
> 
> Also did y'all appreciate the Rick Roll last chapter ;)

**Group: Ladybug worshippers**

**19:48**

**Ladybug: **hey again y’all

**Ladybug: **I know I saw all of you yesterday

**Ladybug: **but does anyone just want to voice chat about stuff?

**Ladybug: **I need to sew so my machine will be loud

**Ladybug: **but I could use someone to talk to

**Foxy Lad: **what’s up?

**Ladybug: **is it okay if I call you? I don’t really want it to be permanent on the chat

**Foxy Lad has started a Voice Chat**

**Ladybug has joined**

**20:23**

**Chat Noir: **I was out. Is everything okay?

**Foxy Lad: **join vc

**Chat Noir has joined the Voice Chat**

**20:35**

**Useless Lesbiam has joined the Voice Chat**

**22:01**

**Voice Chat has been ended**

**Private Messages - @Ladybug @Chat Noir**

**Chat Noir: **Hey, My Lady. Are you okay?

**Ladybug: **I feel kind of better now. Thank you.

**Chat Noir: **I know I didn’t hear the whole story, but if you want another ear, I’m always hear. (Haha, get it?

**Ladybug: **very funny, Chat.

**Ladybug: **I’m just really tired of everything. I am very stressed.

**Ladybug: **this is our last year of school and the cat’s out of the bag that I do fashion in my civilian form and that requires hours upon hours and I also have to be ladybug

**Ladybug: **im constantly worried about hawkmoth and I run on maybe three hours of sleep a day and im just really scared im going to burn out

**Chat Noir: **In my experience, when you feel it all coming to a head like you did today, that is your burnout.

**Ladybug: **ugh don’t remind me

**Ladybug: **I’m embarrassed enough that I invited y’all on a voice chat and just cried for like an hour

**Chat Noir: **When you used the sewing machine, we couldn’t hear you.

**Ladybug: **wow I feel so much better

**Chat Noir: **Sorry. But it’s okay to cry. We’ve all had this, and we will in the future

**Chat Noir: **And who better to have a breakdown with than a bunch of superheroes?

**Ladybug: **wait did you hear the part about that bitch in my school though

**Ladybug: **because I am still pissed at her

**Ladybug: **if I tell you I can still get like 8 hours of sleep

**Chat Noir: **Spill the tea

**Ladybug: **wtf where did you learn that

**Chat Noir: **queenie and then google

**Ladybug: **ya ok so you remember that bitch that got me suspended

**Ladybug: **Her name is L for Lying bitch

**Ladybug: **today she embarrassed me in front of my entire class

**Ladybug: **unfortunately, I am not a very punctual person. I blame it on literal sleep deprivation.

**Ladybug: **but today I tripped trying to come in through the school canteen

**Ladybug: **and L decided that she’d pour her entire lunch over me

**Ladybug: **like literally pour it over my head

**Ladybug: **and then start apologising, but claiming it was all my fault because me slamming into her triggered her arthritis and it was too painful to hold her breakfast tray

**Ladybug: **I was covered in orange juice and porridge, freezing, in front of almost everyone I know – and then the principal started yelling at me for being a klutz, and always being late

**Ladybug: **god, chat, I feel like shit

**Ladybug: **I had to wear lost property clothes all day and my hair still smells like porridge

**Chat Noir: **I’m really sorry, My Lady.

**Chat Noir: **If I went to your school, I’d give that girl a piece of my mind.

**Chat Noir: **And a piece of Chat Noir’s mind.

**Chat Noir: **There’s actually a similar situation at the school I go to, but I’m always out on business for my father, so I can’t help my friend.

**Ladybug: **please tell me your friend isn’t the lying bitch

**Chat Noir: **No!!!!!! Of course not.

**Chat Noir: **A chat can always see through a façade, My Lady.

**Ladybug: **good

**Ladybug: **im glad somewhere in this world there is some good

**Ladybug: **you’re too good to me, you know that?

**Chat Noir: **I just want you to be happy.

**Chat Noir: **I also want you to experience 8 hours of sleep in one go.

**Ladybug: **impossible

**Chat Noir: **Go!!!!!

**Ladybug: **Thank you, chat.

**Chat Noir: A**ny time.

**Ladybug: **next time we’re unloading all your shit so you can feel better too

**Ladybug: **you know I love you right

**Chat Noir: **I love you too, My Lady.

**Chat Noir: **Now go to sleep!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's anything you want to see them discuss (last chance probably because they're about to dive into plot) leave me a commet!!!! And leave a comment anyway!!!!! Even if it's just 'hi'!!!!!! Thank you for reading :))))))))))))


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i oop

**Group: Ladybug worshippers**

**17:12**

**Chat Noir: **Hello everyone!!!!!

**Chat Noir: **How are you all?

**Foxy Lad: **tired and suspicious

**Chat Noir: **Why???

**Foxy Lad: **your punctuation, and you never ever start convos

**Chat Noir: **I noticed that too!!! So I started this one!

**Michelangelo: **yo chat

**Chat Noir: **Carapace!!! How are you???

**Michelangelo: **great nobody’s ever greeted me with that much enthusiasm

**Foxy Lad: **aww poor baby :/

**Michelangelo: **you’ve been dating me for like 3 years you’re supposed to comfort me

**Useless Lesbiam: **what is up hoe’s my girlfriend is busy so now I am chatting with y’all

**Useless Lesbiam: **has anyone seen LB

**Chat Noir: **No!!!!!! Maybe she’s busy?????

**Foxy Lad: **she’s on patrol it’s her slot y’all know this

**Chat Noir: **Oh!

**Chat Noir: **Well, actually, I was thinking…

**Chat Noir: **What do you guys think of this whole secret identity thing?

**Chat Noir: **I mean, Rena and Carapace know each other, we all know Queenie, and LB knows all of us, except me.

**Chat Noir: **Shouldn’t we just reveal ourselves?

**Foxy Lad: **lmao my suspicions were right

**Michelangelo: **idk I kind of get the danger in it

**Useless Lesbiam: **I mean I’ve known all your identities for a while and I haven’t spilled

**Foxy Lad: **wait what

**Useless Lesbiam: **yeah, I know all of you

**Chat Noir: **Even LB???

**Useless Lesbiam: **Even LB.

**Foxy Lad: **hot damn

**Ladybug: **oh good you’re all on

**Ladybug: **akuma outside the palace of Versailles

**Ladybug: **we’ll talk about identity stuff later

**Foxy Lad: **oop someone’s in trouble

**Michelangelo: **is nobody going to appreciate that this is the first time something’s actually happened on a patrol

**Ladybug: **literally hurry up

**Chat Noir: **On my way!!!

**18:21**

**Ladybug: **that was a long one

**Ladybug: **is everyone good?

**Foxy Lad: **yee

**Michelangelo: **queenie have you ever thought about taking up basketball or something that was one hell of a shot

**Useless Lesbiam: **I do rugby as a civilian and the superpowers kind of help??? Plus I was throwing to LB and she’s hella lucky anyway

**Ladybug: **nu uh stop changing the subject we have serious stuff to talk about

**Foxy Lad: **because ‘nu uh’ is so serious

**Ladybug: **I’ve already warned you guys, identity stuff is dangerous

**Ladybug: **queenie, how did you find out

**Useless Lesbiam: **if I tell you, everyone else will realize

**Ladybug: **and you’re sure I am who you think I am?

**Useless Lesbiam: **okay

**Useless Lesbiam: **but I really don’t get why we can’t share identities

**Ladybug: **it is really dangerous

**Ladybug: **I’m not saying I don’t trust you guys – I trust each and every one of you ten times over – but whilst hawkmoth is still a threat, identities is just another thing for him to target

**Ladybug: **what if one of us is captured, and forced to give out the other’s identities

**Foxy Lad: **then again, in movies, even if you deny knowing everything, they still torture you because they think you’re lying

**Ladybug: **not the point

**Ladybug: **as soon as one of our civilian identities gets out, whoever is seen with that person is immediately in danger

**Ladybug: **their family is in danger

**Ladybug: **and quite frankly, I think all of us have got a lot to lose

**Ladybug: **I don’t want hawkmoth having something else to use as leverage

**Chat Noir: **Ok. I respect that, My Lady. When you put it like that it makes sense. I’m sorry.

**Ladybug: **no it’s ok!!! It was a valid question

**Ladybug: **I’m probably in the wrong for not explaining it sooner

**Ladybug: **I feel like I’ve brought the mood down

**Ladybug: **how about after hawkmoth’s defeat we meet up and reveal our identities

**Ladybug: **at some café or something

**Foxy Lad: **that is actually a really good idea

**Michelangelo: **I’d like that

**Chat Noir: **Me too.

**Ladybug: **good!!! I look forwards to it.

**Ladybug: **now all of you should go do some homework and get in a decent night’s sleep, we din’t know when the next akuma attack will be

**Chat Noir: **Yes ma’am!

**Ladybug: **eww I’m 17 not 40

**Foxy Lad: **(a baby)

**Chat Noir: **Bye everyone!!!!!

**Private Messages - @Queen Bee @Chat Noir**

**Queen Bee: **you know don’t you

**Chat Noir: **Know what?

**Queen Bee: **Ladybug’s identity

**Chat Noir: **No!!!! What would make you think that.

**Queen Bee: **she’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng

**Chat Noir: **OMG why would you tell me that!!!!!!!

**Queen Bee: **To let you know you were right

**Chat Noir: **Ugh, fine.

**Chat Noir: **I know.

**Queen Bee: **How did you finally figure it out?

**Chat Noir: **She was telling me all about her school bully (Lila) and I went into school the next morning, and Nino told me everything. Exactly like Ladybug had said it happened.

**Queen Bee: **Wow. Really thought she’d be more careful

**Queen Bee: **oh well

**Queen Bee: **Adrien agreste

**Chat Noir: **who’s Adrien agreste??????

**Queen Bee: **too oblivious to work

**Queen Bee: **god you’re all as thick as each other

**Chat Noir: **How did you figure it out?

**Queen Bee: **I had my suspicions, but the moment you said Adrien Agreste was your gay awakening, I knew.

**Chat Noir: **It was funny in hindsight though, wasn’t it.

**Queen Bee: **Not the point.

**Queen Bee: **You shouldn’t tell Marinette you know she’s Ladybug.

**Chat Noir: **What? Why not?

**Queen Bee: **it’ll distract her. She needs time to focus on her superhero duties. You can get together after we defeat hawkmoth

**Chat Noir: **well it’s probably going to be a while before we defeat hawkmoth!!!!!!!!!!

**Queen Bee: **I wouldn’t be so sure. Attacks are becoming more frequent, there have been more hawkmoth sightings…

**Queen Bee: **it all leads to a big head-to-head

**Queen Bee: **us five versus him

**Chat Noir: **How do I act natural around Marinette?

**Queen Bee: **as long as you don’t flirt you’re completely normal

**Chat Noir: **What’s that supposed to mean?

**Queen Bee: **I like being cryptic. Maybe you’ll never know

**Queen Bee: **see you at school tomorrow, Adrien.

**Chat Noir: **Yeah, you too.

**Chat Noir: **Chloe?

**Queen Bee: **yeah

**Chat Noir: **I’m really glad it was you who got to be Queen Bee

**Queen Bee: **blergh affection

**Queen Bee: **you make a half decent Chat Noir, I guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd been promising plot for a while, but here you go! just an fyi, as the current plan stands, I have 5 more chapters to write (including out-of-text parts) before the story comes to an end! I'm going to miss my crack baby :(
> 
> Don't forget to kudo and comment!!!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop! with 6 minutes until i need to get ready for work, i finished this chapter!

**Group: Ladybug worshippers**

**11:12**

**Foxy Lad: **Hawkmoth sighting on the Eiffel tower

**Michelangelo: **wait really? He never comes out in person

**Ladybug: **I’ll go check it out, let you know if it’s legit

**Useless Lesbiam: **lmao this is how all the fanfictions end

**Foxy Lad: **if we’re in a fanfic, everything will go perfectly fine

**Foxy Lad: **or someone’s going to die and it’s going to be tragic, but whatever

**Michelangelo: **way to lighten the mood

**Chat Noir: **I’m with LB. It’s real. Hawkmoth is here.

**Foxy Lad:** well, shit

**Michelangelo: **I’m on my way

**Useless Lesbiam: **eta like 2 minutes

**Ladybug: **I don’t see an akuma

**Ladybug: **wait – y’all remember Volphina

**Useless Lesbiam: **yeah

**Foxy Lad: **that bitch

**Ladybug: **be prepared for anything

**13:04**

**Ladybug: **is everyone safe, at home?

**Foxy Lad: **yeah

**Michelangelo: **yeah

**Ladybug: **good. I’m glad.

**Ladybug: **I need to take the peacock miraculous to Master Fu and get it fixed for whatever curse is on it, but you should all rest for a couple days.

**Michelangelo: **is anyone else still in shock?

**Foxy Lad: **yeah, I think so

**Ladybug: **I mean, we had our theories about Hawkmoth being Gabriel Agreste, but we wrote it off when he himself got akumatised

**Useless Lesbiam: **I’m really sorry I let him get away

**Ladybug: **No!!! You tried your best. How were you supposed to know Volphina would attack at that exact moment?

**Useless Lesbiam: **still…

**Michelangelo: **I feel really bad for Adrien agreste

**Michelangelo: **his dad’s the only family he had, right?

**Foxy Lad: **I didn’t realize the entire fight was being broadcast on live television…

**Ladybug: **it’s unfortunate, but there’s nothing we can do right now.

**Ladybug: **recharge, all of you. We should talk about plans to take him down

**Useless Lesbiam: **be as it might, I really don’t think we should go to his home. It’d be another blow on Adrien, and he probably has some secret base that would mean he’s at an advantage if we go there

**Foxy Lad: **so we lay low, and wait for him to prepare?

**Michelangelo: **that doesn’t sound very good

**Ladybug: **you say that, but he knows that we know, and all of Paris, so he’ll be paranoid

**Ladybug: **Like when there hasn’t been an akuma attack for a couple days. We all get really scared, don’t we?

**Foxy Lad: **that makes sense

**Useless Lesbiam: **ok, so we wait

**Foxy Lad: **best case scenario, we fight and get his miraculous, too

**Foxy Lad: **worst situation, he unmasks all of us and kills us or something, and then uses our deaths to do whatever he wants with the Ladybug and Chat Noir miraculous

**Ladybug: **It won’t get that far, Rena.

**Ladybug: **we’ve been waiting to fight him face-to-face for 4 years

**Ladybug: **we’ve beaten all the akumas he’s sent our way

**Ladybug: **we’re ready for him.

**Useless Lesbiam: **I trust you, Ladybug.

**Ladybug: **thank you.

**Ladybug: **now I really have to go to Master Fu – bug out!

**Michelangelo: **ugh cringe

**Foxy Lad: **hey don’t speak in that tone

**Foxy Lad: **she’s probably trying to make the most use out of that phrase before we annihilate Hawkmoth

**Useless Lesbiam: **someone’s suddenly very positive

**Foxy Lad: **I want a phrase, too

**Foxy Lad: **help

**Michelangelo: **Turtle-y awesome! Is mine

**Useless Lesbiam: **we know, you made it your name way back in the day

**Foxy Lad: **according to comparison between now and when the gc started, I’m the most boring! My name has barely changed

**Foxy Lad: **: (((((((((((((((

**Useless Lesbiam: **if I had one, it would have to be cool, but none of them are col, which is why I don’t have one

**Foxy Lad: **literal bull

**Foxy Lad: **you’re as uncreative as me

**Useless Lesbiam: **rude

**Useless Lesbiam: **bees have so many more phrases than foxes

**Useless Lesbiam: **we have honey, and pollen, and flowers, and beehives…

**Useless Lesbiam: **what do you have? Chickens

**Foxy Lad: **ok, rude

**Foxy Lad: **foxes are naturally friendly and curious

**Michelangelo: **all this fox talk is confusing me

**Michelangelo: **whilst this conversation was turtle-y awesome, I’m gonna head out!

**Foxy Lad: **that one just doesn’t have that ring to it, does it?

**Useless Lesbiam: **bees are also very friendly and sweet

**Useless Lesbiam: **and we make honey, which everyone loves

**Foxy Lad: **yeah whatever

**Foxy Lad: **im tired

**Foxy Lad: **im going to sleep

**Foxy Lad: **(insert fiture catchphrase here)

**Foxy Lad: **bye

**Useless Lesbiam: **uh ok now im alone

**Private Messages - @Queen Bee @Chat Noir**

**Queen Bee: **Adrien?

**Queen Bee: **are you okay?

**Queen Bee: **I’m really sorry about what happened

**Queen Bee: **I shouldn’t have let him go

**Queen Bee: **I’m really sorry, he’s your father, Adrien

**Queen Bee: **if you don’t want to respond, it’s fine

**Queen Bee: **but I just want you to know that if you ever want a friend to lend an ear or a shoulder, I’ll always be here for you

**Queen Bee: **I’m really sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *feelsbadman*
> 
> Next chapter from next (2 away) is from Adrien's perspective, where y'all can discover if i can actually write or not!
> 
> Leave kudos and comments for me lovelies!!!! <3333333333333333


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit gets real
> 
> whilst posting this, i would like to forewarn, on a scale of one to eleven, i am usually 'chaotic good' so aka there will be a great ending but i also literally love angst

**Private Messages - @Ladybug @Chat Noir**

**04:11**

**Ladybug: **Chat?

**Ladybug: **it’s been a week.

**Ladybug: **I don’t even know if you’re reading these messages

**Ladybug: **I want to know what we did

**Ladybug: **what I did

**Ladybug: **I want to help

**Ladybug: **I miss you, Chat. A lot.

**Ladybug: **I don’t know if you’re like the rest of us, but I haven’t been getting much sleep recently.

**Ladybug: **I haven’t really been going into school, either

**Ladybug: **I guess my parents think my looking like crap is because I have a stomach bug, haha

**Ladybug: **I’m really worried Hawkmoth will strike

**Ladybug: **we could take him down, you know. We know who he is

**Ladybug: **but not without you, Chat. We need you.

**Ladybug: **I need you.

**Ladybug: **but I get that you’re going through something, and that’s ok. I hope when you feel better, you can talk to me about it.

**Ladybug: **I love you, chat

**Ladybug: **and I really hope to hear from you soon

**Group: Ladybug worshippers**

**09:03**

**Foxy Lad: **Hi everyone

**Foxy Lad: **daily check in time

**Michelangelo: **all good

**Useless Lesbiam: **great, all things considered, from my end

**Ladybug: **I’m here

**Foxy Lad: **no sign of Chat?

**Ladybug: **I’ve been out for hours every night

**Ladybug: **if he came out, I would know

**Michelangelo: **it’s not like him to stay home

**Michelangelo: **wasn’t he talking about how he felt so trapped from his house?

**Useless Lesbiam: **maybe you guys just don’t understand

**Ladybug: **and you do?

**Useless Lesbiam: **I know his identity. Whilst I don’t agree with the silence thing, I understand

**Useless Lesbiam: **he hasn’t been online in a week

**Ladybug: **believe me, I know

**Ladybug: **are you all getting on with civilian lives

**Foxy Lad: **the hawkmoth reveal really shook everyone up from my perspective

**Foxy Lad: **my best friend isn’t coming in to school, and one of my friends, Adrien Agreste, hasn’t been seen since the reveal

**Michelangelo: **do you think he’s in danger?

**Michelangelo: **from what I know about Adrien Agreste, he doesn’t have anywhere he can go away from his father

**Foxy Lad: **he’s living with his father’s ex-secretary apparently

**Foxy Lad: **my teacher said it one morning when you weren’t in – gave it as an excuse as to why he wasn’t in

**Foxy Lad: **she lives half the way across Paris

**Ladybug: **everything is just kind of really messed up right now

**Ladybug: **but we should continue living as normally as possible

**Ladybug: **we should be completely ready for when he, or we, decide to strike

**Useless Lesbiam: **weren’t we going to strike first?

**Ladybug: **Gabriel Agreste is a rich man

**Ladybug: **I doubt his evil lair is in his mansion – and if it is, we’d be going onto his territory

**Foxy Lad: **Déjà vu

**Ladybug:** what, have we had this conversation?

**Foxy Lad: **ye

**Ladybug: **oh, sorry

**Ladybug: **to be perfectly honest, i’m kind of a hypocrite

**Ladybug: **I can’t really sleep

**Ladybug: **I’m worried about everything

**Ladybug: **will we win against hawkmoth?

**Ladybug: **if we do, then what?

**Foxy Lad: **we’ll be able to keep our miraculous, right?

**Ladybug: **I don’t know

**Ladybug: **I think so, but there’d be no point unless some other supervillain came out

**Ladybug: **and haven’t you heard reports? Us being superheroes has brought up crime rates rather than down

**Ladybug: **it’s like we’re coaxing all the bad guys out of their hidey holes

**Ladybug: **maybe it would just be better if we resigned

**Useless Lesbiam: **literally stop

**Useless Lesbiam: **if crime rate is increasing it’s our job to kick ass and get it back down again

**Useless Lesbiam: **it’s not our fault bad people are bad

**Useless Lesbiam: **our miraculouses are literally the best things that ever happened to us

**Useless Lesbiam: **I wouldn’t give mine up for the world

**Foxy Lad: **and we will so defeat hawkmoth

**Foxy Lad: **now that shock has worn off, it’s 5 against 1

**Michelangelo: **4 against 1

**Ladybug: **I’m not doing this without Chat

**Ladybug: **I know you guys may not understand

**Ladybug: **but at the beginning, I had a really hard time doing this job

**Ladybug: **chat was my only partner for a long time

**Ladybug: **he was the only person that could properly stand by me

**Ladybug: **and he did

**Ladybug: **now it’s my turn

**Foxy Lad: **I know that was a serious speech and all but this is so cute

**Foxy Lad: **Ladynoir for life

**Michelangelo: **babe

**Foxy Lad: **babe

**Michelangelo: **not right now

**Useless Lesbiam: **uuh says you nobody wants to see the pda right now

**Foxy Lad: **it was literally two words

**Useless Lesbiam: **yeah, whatever

**Useless Lesbiam: **it’s blergh but it doesn’t kill me

**Ladybug: **just because you got a girlfriend…

**Useless Lesbiam: **tf is that supposed to mean

**Michelangelo: **miss ‘I hate PDA’ is suddenly very lenient…

**Useless Lesbiam: **shut up

**Foxy Lad: **y’all check the Ladyblog

**Foxy Lad: **Hawkmoth sighting

**Foxy Lad: @Ladybug @Chat Noir @Useless Lesbiam @Michelangelo**

**Michelangelo: **well shit

**Ladybug: **chat?

**Chat Noir: **On my way.

**Ladybug: **wait chat

**Ladybug: **are you okay?

**Ladybug: **where have you been

**Michelangelo: **we all want to know, but not right now

**Useless Lesbiam: **we have a job to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao if y'all have thoughts about this i would very much like to hear


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one took a while, and is by far the one i'm most scared of publishing. but, here you go :)

Adrien couldn’t remember when the last time he’d seen the sun was. A week ago, maybe? Two? In a cooped up, dark room, it was hard to tell what time had passed.

He’d stopped counting meals when Nathalie had stopped bringing them in at regular intervals. She was suffering, too, he imagined – she was in love with Emilie, after all. To find out the one person you’d trust with your love was keeping her in a coma, and was actually a supervillain… he was sure she had it almost as bad as he did.

Surprising as it was, he didn’t think much. People spent years figuring out how to clear their minds, and yet his felt like one blank, empty slate. He ate when food was given to him. He drank when water was given to him. He remained curled up in bed, drifting in-between sleep and staring at the dark walls around him.

He didn’t know Nathalie lived half the way across Paris – he’d always assumed she didn’t have an apartment. She did live with them through the week, after all. But she’d seen the entire thing on live television, and ran to him – catching him in his suit – and asked no questions, merely asking the Gorilla to take them both to some unknown location.

She knew he was Chat Noir, then. It was kind of funny – the first person, the only person, he thought would have that information would be Ladybug.

When he did think, he went over the events of the fight. They’d had Hawkmoth; although his power didn’t leave him five minutes, there was a time limit – and he’d reached his and detransformed in Chloe’s arms.

She’d let him go. Adrien was trying his best not to blame her – shock makes you do strange things – but what else could he think about?

His father’s reputation, he imagined, was completely ruined. Good.

“Adrien?” Nathalie’s voice filtered through the cracks in the door as she pushed it open. It was the first time he’d heard her in days – after she’d stopped announcing she was bringing him food. Her voice was hoarse – like he suspected his would be if he tried to speak. Maybe she’d been crying, or maybe she’d been dealing with it the only way she knew how – through trying to work everything out by literally burying herself in work.

In recognition, he turned his head to face her, squinting at the light that filtered through the now open doorway.

“You have a text message.”

Adrien’s eyebrows drew together. He’d suspected he’d been getting text messages – but why was this one important?

“It’s…” Nathalie’s voice faltered, and she cleared her throat. “It’s about your… about Hawkmoth. He’s been sighted. Your superhero friends need you.”

Adrien sat up in the bed, and a bout of dizziness hit him. Of course. Sudden rush of blood after literally not standing for a week.

“Pass it to me,” he demanded, not caring that his voice was as callous as he felt. Nathalie obeyed, retreating back to the doorway afterwards, like an uncharacteristically timid mouse.

His eyes scanned over the notifications – about 100 from Chloe and Carapace, a good forty or so from Rena, and endless messages from Ladybug – from Marinette. Something akin to guilt but not quite there yet hit his chest, and he grimaced.

He really needed a shower. He could feel the dirt like a second skin all over him.

“Plagg?” He asked, and his voice was deeper than he remembered – like how it sounded first thing in the morning when he had a cold.

The kwami had been sleeping by him the entire time, and, in true kwami-fashion, had probably been absorbing some of his grief. “Yeah, kid?”

“We have to be Chat Noir.” He stood on shaky legs. When was the last time he ate?

“Are you ready for that? Physically?”

Adrien let out a long sigh. “I guess I have to be, don’t I?”

He made eye contact with Nathalie, who nodded softly and closed the door again with a soft click. Once again, he was enveloped in darkness – except, now his eyes needed to readjust, so the only thing he could make out was Plagg’s glowing eyes, and his hovering figure.

“Claws out.” He said, and within seconds, he was his alter-ego. As Chat Noir, generally, everything just felt _better. _His eyesight improved – he felt like he could breathe larger breaths, and stand taller, and walk for longer (if he had to.) But right now, that all kind of faded away into a soft numbness in the back of his brain. An icy-cold lump in his chest, right where his heart would be.

He turned on his phone again, sending a short ‘On my way.’ Then he shut it off, ignoring it as it lit up with more and more messages.

He had a job to do. A villain to defeat.

* * *

Adrien arrived on the Eiffel Tower to see a group of four tired-looking, shocked superheroes. He didn’t know how he knew they were tired – their eyes were covered with magical masks – but Chloe’s skin had turned an almost-grey, and the others weren’t seeming to be holding it together much, either.

“Chat,” Ladybug started, reaching out an arm and placing her hand on his shoulder. Her hand was warm, and, despite everything in him, comforting. He braced himself for what she’d ask. “Are you okay?”

He let out a humourless laugh. “Physically or mentally?”

“Both,” she said, and it was like everything in her voice was soft, and kind. Like a blanket.

“I’ll manage. I can fight.”

She let her hand slip until it was grasping his, and she squeezed it once, tightly. It was something they’d grown akin to doing whenever a quick burst of strength, or reassurance, was needed. He squeezed back – and a certain joy behind her eyes made itself known.

“Okay,” she said, turning back into leader mode and facing the rest of the group. Her hand didn’t leave his. “We need a game plan.”

“Illusions?” Rena offered.

“Too obvious.” Ladybug countered. “This is our shot. As hard as it would be for a normal civilian, if Gabriel Agreste wanted, he has the money, and probably the contacts, to escape the country. We need justice. We need to beat him. We can’t do something we’ve used before.”

“Let’s surprise him,” Carapace said. “Like, a half-half approach.”

“He’s expecting us. It wouldn’t work.”

“How about we just go for it?” Queenie offered. “We’ve never been a better team. I know how all of you work. We know each other’s dynamics. We should all just aim for the brooch on his chest.”

“Could we even break it?” Rena asked. “We’ve never had to break a miraculous before.”

“No harm in trying. Break it, or get it off of him and detransform him. Whatever you can. My Miraculous can probably fix it.”

“Okay,” said Carapace. “Then let’s go.”

Ladybug let out a short breath. If anyone had a knife, they could use it to cut through the nervous energy between the five. This was it. The big, fine battle, and all.

“I really look forwards to our identity reveal in a café in a couple of days,” Ladybug said with a small smile. Carapace went to respond, but Rena hit him in the bicep.

“Me too, considering I know all of you.” Queenie smirked. “It’ll be like some movie. I should bring popcorn.”

“Don’t you mean some fanfic?” Ladybug teased. Nobody laughed, but it brought smiles to everyone’s faces – and right now, that was enough.

Marinette squeezed his hand again. He felt it in his heart. “Okay,” she said. “Steel yourselves. We have a jerk to arrest.”

* * *

If you asked Chat Noir to tell you what had happened so far in the fight against Hawkmoth, his response would be patchy, at best.

He remembered the beginning – hell, all of Paris would remember the beginning. It was the easy part, per se. The part where Ladybug gives a big speech about justice and how Hawkmoth’s reign of terror has finally come to an end. Or something like that. It’s probably on the Ladyblog.

He remembered that Hawkmoth had come prepared – there were butterflies everywhere, and akumas, too. He remembers hand-to-hand combat. He remembers exchanging brief words with his teammates. He remembers everyone going off to recharge, again, and again, and again.

Somehow, he and Ladybug ended up in the same alleyway. Her earrings had a minute left – his ring about the same.

“Chat,” she said, turning around as was standard so they didn’t reveal their identities. It was… ironic at best, considering he knew hers already. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I can’t tell you,” he responded – words coming out more cryptic than intended. “But I can show you.”

She turned around to look at him. “What do you…”

His transformation flashed, and she let out a small ‘eep’, hands flying to cover her eyes. “What the hell, Chat?”

“I…” he paused. He’d been thinking about how his identity reveal would go. He’d read enough about how it could happen – an accident, or a planned occurrence. He didn’t expect to know who she was.

“I know your identity, My Lady. And I want you to know mine.”

“Chat…” Ladybug’s voice held its normal tone of warning, but there was worry underlying – from the ongoing fight several blocks away, or the information he’d just given her, he couldn’t tell. “Now is really not a good time.”

“But it is,” he insisted. “Now is the only time. Marinette.”

She let her hand drop in surprise, but her transformation shone before she could get a good look at him. When it faded, he offered her a weak smile.

“Oh my god.” She said, hands reaching out to touch his shoulders, to check if he was real. “It’s you.”

“Is that a bad thing?” He asked, suddenly overcome with doubt.

“No! No, it’s just…” She met his eyes again, and he couldn’t help but admire her. She was so small, in comparison to him. She saved Paris so often, and yet, right now, she seemed so fragile.

“It’s perfect,” she concluded. “You’re perfect.”

He let out a breath of relief, and suddenly she wrapped her arms around him as if she wanted to squeeze the air out of his body. “God, Chat,” she was laughing, now, and her voice sounded a little bit teary. “This couldn’t be more perfect.”

He smiled and reprociated the hug, letting himself sink into her. “So you don’t mind that it’s me?”

She pulled back. “To be honest, I don’t know what I’m thinking. I think it’s shock.”

He nodded. He’d felt kind of the same way – awe, wonder, but a strange cloud over all his emotions – when he first discovered her civilian identity. “I understand. We should talk about it, later, when all of this is over.”

She nodded. “That’s a good idea.”

He wanted to be close to her. It was the first strong, true feeling he’d had since he locked himself up in that damn cupboard-of-a-room in Natalie’s apartment. She was the only thing he could understand right now – the only thing keeping him steady. He wanted to hug her, and kiss her, and spend hours doing nothing but looking into her eyes.

God. Had he always been such a sap?

Marinette’s eyes widened suddenly. “Oh my god,” she whispered. “I know your identity.”

“You do,” he said. “Is it bad?”

“You- I- We-“ she paused to take a breath. “God, Adrien, I’m so sorry about everything.”

He shook his head, hand landing on her arm as if out of reflex. “None of this is your fault,” he assured. “You’re the only good thing for me right now.”

“But… we know each other’s identities. We have to give back the Miraculous.”

“Do we?” He asked. “Because I was thinking about it… if we defeat Hawkmoth, we can keep them, right?”

She sighed. “Chat, I’m scared. What if we don’t get him this time?”

The anxiety – genuine and palpable – rolled off of her in waves. He reached for her chin, tilting it up and distracting her wandering eyes, so that they could land on his.

“We will, My Lady. You and me.”

She gulped, nodding softly. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I just- doesn’t this remind you so much of how we first met?”

Adrien let himself smile at that memory. Back when Ladybug had been vulnerable, and had turned to him for help. When they’d cemented their partnership as soulmates (romantic or otherwise) and agreed to take on the responsibility of protecting an entire city, together.

“What, that it’s just us again?” he joked. It got a smile out of her.

“No – that I’m the one freaking out, and you seem to know what to do.”

“Well, right now, I think we should get back to fighting.” He said. She winced.

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.” Ladybug – _Marinette – _nodded her head. “I can do that. I can fight.”

“Hey,” he cupped her cheeks in his hands. “Of course you can. You’re Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Designer by day, superhero by night. You can do this.”

She nodded. “After, we should talk. We need to talk.”

“Okay,” he agreed. Talking. He looked forwards to it.

“Well…” she trailed off. “Whilst fighting a supervillain, there’s isn’t usually much time to talk, so… I’ll see you?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. The lump in his chest that had arrived a week ago was slowly being melted by her – and it felt good. “I’ll see you.”

“Okay.”

He smiled. “Okay.”

“Tikki, spots on!”

“Plagg, claws out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave me kudos!!! and comments!!! if you feel like it!!!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew, when the storm has rolled over, this is what you get
> 
> i wrote this zoomed 130% into my word doc and when i zzomed back out the formatting looked really weird is that just me??
> 
> also we're at 69 bookmarks ayyyyyy

**Group Chat: Ladybug worshippers**

**12:41**

**Michelangelo has renamed group ‘Victors’**

**Michelangelo: **so where are we meeting

**Foxy Lad: **wow, glad to know your priorities

**Foxy Lad: **are exactly the same as mine

**Foxy Lad: **is everyone free tomorrow?

**Useless Lesbiam: **this is going to be so much fun

**Ladybug: **I can be there tomorrow! Chat?

**Chat Noir: **Yeah, me too. See you all tomorrow.

**Foxy Lad: **woah woah woah

**Foxy Lad: **is nobody going to address the elephant in the room?

**Ladybug: **I wasn’t actually aware there was an elephant miraculous

**Foxy Lad: **no

**Foxy Lad: **Chat, you disappeared for a week

**Foxy Lad: **where did you go?

**Chat Noir: **Can I tell you all tomorrow? It’ll make more sense

**Ladybug: **we have to be careful about tomorrow, okay?

**Ladybug: **just because Hawkmoth is now in jail doesn’t mean we can give our identities to all of paris

**Ladybug: **personally, I wouldn’t like the attention

**Ladybug: **but its also dangerous so beware

**Michelangelo: **ooo spooky

**Ladybug: **shush im being serious

**Useless Lesbiam: **I say we meet up in the Dupain-Cheng bakery

**Ladybug: **sdfogjthrjwklq;psdofj

**Useless Lesbiam: **what? It’s small and discreet, and it has the best pastries in paris.

**Chat Noir: **I’m up for that.

**Michelangelo: **I want y’all to know that im learning the words to we are the champions to serenade u all tomorrow

**Foxy Lad: **aww babe how romantic

**Useless Lesbiam: **!!!!!!!!!!!!PDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Foxy Lad: **oh please

**Foxy Lad: **I bet you and your girlfriend are pda central

**Useless Lesbiam: **not in front of you we’re not

**Useless Lesbiam: **I put extra effort into my dates to make sure we don’t run into anyone either of us knows.

**Useless Lesbiam: **then we make out

**Ladybug: **I have to get back to school, so see you all tomorrow?

**Ladybug: **do you think if I revealed my secret identity to the world they’d let me off school

**Michelangelo: **not anymore there’s no villain to go off and defeat

**Ladybug: **: (

**Michelangelo: **: ) 

**Foxy Lad: **byeeeeeeeeeee

**Ladybug: **goodbye!

**Private Messages - @Ladybug @Chat Noir**

**15:16**

**Ladybug: **hey, are you okay?

**Ladybug: **I know we said we’d talk about this, but you’re still not in school, and I haven’t seen you.

**Ladybug: **want to talk everything through with me?

**Ladybug: **if you don’t feel comfortable texting, we can call, or even go and transform and sit on the Eiffel tower

**Chat Noir: **No, texting is okay.

**Chat Noir: **I’m just a little confused right now.

**Ladybug: **That’s okay!!! I wouldn’t expect anything else from you right now.

**Ladybug: **where were you for the past week, though?

**Chat Noir: **With Nathalie.

**Chat Noir: **Did you know she dated my mom? That’s why she remained so loyal to my dad after she ‘disappeared.’

**Chat Noir: **Turns out he’s been keeping her in a coma in our basement.

**Chat Noir: **They should make a TV show about this.

**Ladybug: **I think the anime’s a bit too light-hearted to cover all of this shit

**Ladybug: **how do you feel about your father?

**Chat Noir: **His trial is in a week.

**Chat Noir: **Other than the reveal, I haven’t seen him.

**Chat Noir: **I think I have to go to the trial, though. As Chat Noir, to testify.

**Ladybug: **I’ll be right there with you.

**Ladybug: **I have your back.

**Ladybug: **ok there’s something else I’ve been wondering

**Ladybug: **why did you visit my balcony as chat when you see me every day as Adrien?

**Chat Noir: **Oh. Haha.

**Chat Noir: **You seize up around Adrien (can you tell me why, please?) but around Chat Noir you’re so open. I only ever got to see that in my superhero form.

**Chat Noir: **But then when I figured out you were Ladybug, it all kind of clicked into place. I came to your balcony even more to see you, half because I love seeing you but also because I wanted an excuse to know your identity on some accident.

**Chat Noir: **But you are far too smart to reveal yourself like that, My Lady.

**Ladybug: **when did you figure it out?

**Chat Noir: **The day after you told me about what happened with Lila. Nino gave me a word-for-word rundown of everything that had happened.

**Chat Noir: **Both him and Alya hate Lila sufficiently, now.

**Chat Noir: **Marinette, I’m really sorry I let all that happen to you.

**Chat Noir: **I didn’t know how bad it was.

**Chat Noir: **I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m not in school much, and whilst I am sometimes, I’m not very good with people.

**Chat Noir: **Kind of comes with the territory of only having one friend and being homeschooled for the first thirteen years of your life.

**Chat Noir: **Anyway, I should have trusted you when you said she was a bitch.

**Chat Noir: **She is a bitch.

**Ladybug: **At least she didn’t say she was Ladybug.

**Chat Noir: **Now that I know your identity, I understand even more how you got annoyed at her lies.

**Chat Noir: **Can we expose her?

**Ladybug: **No!

**Ladybug: **And I forgive you, Adrien. Even though there’s really nothing to forgive.

**Chat Noir: **You never told me why you were awkward around Adrien me.

**Ladybug: **oh haha… long story

**Ladybug: **I was kind of in love with you

**Ladybug: **Adrien you

**Ladybug: **since forever

**Chat Noir: **Wait really???

**Ladybug: **ofghejkdfoi this is embarrassing

**Chat Noir: **I love you too

**Chat Noir: **At first, I was only in love with Ladybug, but I began to fall for the Marinette I met on the balcony, as well.

**Ladybug: **Yeah, I was starting to fall for Chat-you, too.

**Ladybug: **I always thought it was wrong to like two people so I suppressed my feelings

**Ladybug: **this is literally the best possible situation

**Ladybug: **I love you

**Ladybug: **And I know we’ve said it before but I mean this one in a non-platonic most definitely romantic way

**Chat Noir: **Someone’s gotten very confident.

**Ladybug: **: (

**Chat Noir: **You know you love me

**Ladybug: **I do

**Chat Noir: **I can’t wait to see you tomorrow

**Ladybug: **Me either

**Ladybug: **also, I can’t help but be hung up on the way you revealed yourself

**Ladybug: **you just fucking whipped it out

**Chat Noir: **That’s what she said

**Ladybug: **Where the fuck did you learn that

**Chat Noir: **I made a reddit asking for all the Gen-Z references, and that came up many times

**Chat Noir: **I guess you could call me a master at this stuff.

**Ladybug: **that is also what she said

**Chat Noir: **??

**Ladybug: **You still have a lot to learn

**Chat Noir: **Yeah, whatever. I accept my fate.

**Chat Noir: **Can I call you? Just to have your presence whilst I do stuff.

**Ladybug: **yeah, sure

**Ladybug: **that sounds nice

**Chat Noir has started a Voice Chat**

**Ladybug has joined**

**00:09**

**Voice Chat has been ended**

**Ladybug:** Night, kitty.

**Ladybug: **see you tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the penultimate chapter!!!!! Don't forget to comment and kudos!!!!!
> 
> Also, whilst this fic is coming to a close (a loud 'awwwwww' of saddness from the audience) whilst writing it I have come up with two separate ideas for new fics!!! (applause) whilst usually i like to plan ahead, i probably won't, i'll just post them and hope they go as well as this one did
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading!!!! Your support means so much to me!!!! I love every single one of you (especially since you got through 16 chapters of me trying to learn how to write and are STILL here)!!!!!!
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- positivity for u


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit... this is the end.

Deep breaths in, deep breaths out. Repeat. Deep breaths in, deep breaths out. Repeat.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was a nervous person by nature. Seventeen (practically eighteen – she was now one week and a half away from her birthday) years of her life in which she had to worry about everything at the very last minute had led her to be calm under pressure, but nervous about just about anything else.

She looked in her mirror again, checking the clothes she wore were enough to get her recognised. She never wore red; she was always worried it would give away something about her being a superhero. But today she was in a dress she’d designed months ago for this specific occasion, a cute one that was tight at the top but flared out just above her waist, ending a little on top of her knees. It was comfortable, and loose; but it didn’t do anything to help her rising nerves.

Deep breaths in, deep breaths out. Tikki had taught her that mantra. Years ago.

“Tikki,” she called, running a hand over the skirt of her dress yet again. “I’m scared.”

The kwami flew over to her and tutted. “You look great, Marinette! And these are your friends! They don’t care what you look like.”

“No, I’m scared about revealing my identity to them. What if they hate me? I’ve been lying to Alya for years!”

“And she’s been lying to you! She’s Rena Rouge. She’s also your biggest fan – she’ll understand.”

Marinette forced herself to nod. “Okay,” she muttered softly, “okay. You’re right.”

“Everything is as it should be, Marinette!” The kwami gave a satisfied grin, before whizzing back to her place on Marinette’s desk with an assortment of cookies.

Marinette looked back at herself once – and then to the clock on her wall. 1:04.

“Oh, shit,” she mumbled. “And I’m late. Even better.”

Opening her trap door, Marinette hurried down the ladder, then the stairs, and offered her mother and father a chaste kiss on the cheek before entering the café-section of the bakery. True to their words, Alya, Nino and Chloe were all waiting.

“Hey,” she said as she plopped down into a seat. Alya stared at her for a second, and then to her dress.

“Not to be rude,” she began, “but we’re sort of waiting for someone.”

From besides her, Chloe snorted.

“Oh,” Marinette nodded. “No, I know. We’re meeting today.”

Alya’s eyebrows drew together, and she once again looked at her for a second, before studying her dress. After a few seconds, her eyes widened comically.

“Holy shit,” she exhaled. “It’s you. That- It- It makes so much sense.”

“Surprise,” Marinette’s voice lacked enthusiasm. Chloe laughed again.

Alya looked around their little table – to Nino, then to Chloe, then back to Mari. She blinked.

“I just… holy shit, it’s you? You’re-“

“Shh!” Marinette warned. “My parents are here. And so are random civilians. Don’t just expose me like that!”

“Sorry, I…” Alya laughed. “It is so obvious it’s you. Oh my god, I was so blind.”

Marinette smiled. “Chloe? Nino?”

“Oh, I knew,” said Chloe. “I figured I could buy snacks here, though.”

Nino nodded. “I had my suspicions too, with how you talked about Adrien Agreste.”

Marinette’s face lit up, and someone behind her cleared her throat. “Uhm, I heard my name?” Adrien asked.

Alya looked up to Adrien, and then back down to Marinette. “What, and you’re Chat Noir?”

Marinette stood, kissing Adrien’s cheek and hugging him tightly. “Hey,” she whispered into his shoulder.

“Hey,” he whispered back. “I missed you.”

“It’s been, like, twelve hours.”

Adrien pulled back. “So?”

She smiled, shoving his shoulder playfully. “Silly kitty.”

His hands found her waist, and hers his shoulders, and he pulled her in for a sweet kiss. When they pulled away, Marinette turned to their friends – to see two jaws on the floor, instead of one.

“You-“ Alya began.

“The two of you are-“ Nino continued.

“Holy shit!” They both said in unison.

Chloe, safe on the other side of the table, was cackling.

“I literally cannot believe this. My friendship group is a bunch of superheroes. What are the odds?”

“Pretty high, actually.” Marinette supplied. “I pick the superheroes, other than Chat and I, and I can only pick people I trust. Go figure, I trust my friends.”

Adrien jabbed her in the side playfully, and she pushed him away, remaining serious. “But yeah. This is it.”

“Wait…” Nino began. “But I thought your gay awakening was Adrien Agreste.”

Adrien laughed. “That was a good one, wasn’t it?” He said to himself, reaching over to high five Chloe.

“Wow, you literal idiot.” Alya said. “You fooled us all.”

“So this is why you went MIA for a week?” Nino asked as Marinette pulled up a seat, taking a seat with Adrien’s hand still clasped strongly in hers.

“It was. I’m sorry about that. I really didn’t know what I was feeling. Nathalie has agreed to take me in, and they took my mom to the hospital after she was found in a coma in our basement, so… she might wake up? I don’t know, though; and I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

Everyone around the table nodded solemnly. Marinette gave Adrien’s hand a small squeeze. He squeezed back.

“So, are you two dating?” Alya broke the silence by placing an elbow on the table to rest her hand on.

“I- Uh- We-“ Adrien stuttered.

“Yes,” said Mari, turning to him. “If you’re okay with it.”

He smiled, and lifted her hands to his lips. “Of course, My Lady. I’d love that.”

Alya squealed. “Okay. Well, tell me everything. How on earth did you guys hide this from me?”

The table was alive with chatter for hours – of tales of superhero-ing, or jokes, or silly things that they realize now that identities are out in the open. Through it, Marinette’s parents are the ever-welcoming host, offering cookies and pastries until the sun was threatening to come down.

“I should go,” Nino said first. “I have to take care of my little brother, and finish up some homework before sleeping. I’ll see all of you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I should probably get going too. Walk me home, babe?” Alya asked. Nino chuckled, kissing her cheek.

“Eww, gross.” Said Chloe. “I’ll leave, but only because couples walk slowly and if I don’t get in front of you now, I’ll have to watch your sap until I manage to escape and get home.”

“Bye, you guys,” Marinette stood, offering them each a separate hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nino nodded. “I can’t believe we’re all superheroes. This is awesome!”

With a final wave, Adrien and Marinette watched their friends walk down the street until they were completely out of sight. Mari turned back to her black cat, offering him a grin.

“And what about you, mister? Any plans to get home?”

“Well, I told Nathalie I’d make my own way back… but I didn’t say when,” Adrien smirked. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Does Nathalie know that you’re Chat Noir?” She asked, hands wrapping around his waist. He nodded.

“She caught me mid-detransformation after seeing my father’s unmasking live. But she’s surprisingly cool with it, I think. Nathalie’s not very good at expressing her emotions.”

“And… are you okay living with her?”

Adrien paused. “I… I think so. She’s said she wants me to stay with her, so I don’t feel that much like a burden, and her apartment, whilst small, feels a lot more like a home than my father’s house ever did…”

“Good,” she concluded. “I’m glad everything is working out.”

“I wish I could stay with you,” he said softly. “Now that I know you’re two sides of the same coin, I can’t imagine leaving you.”

“I don’t want you to leave, either.” She pulled him in for another short kiss. “But you shouldn’t walk home in the dark. You should go now. Stay safe.”

Adrien nodded, dejected. “Well… I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Hey,” Marinette said. “Just because Adrien is leaving, doesn’t mean I can’t be visited by a certain Chat on my balcony later tonight…”

His face lit up. “Okay!” He said enthusiastically. “I’ll get home as fast as I can. Night, Marinette!”

She laughed softly. “Night, Adrien!”

He disappeared around a street corner, and she was left watching after him, a content smile on her face.

Tikki was right. Everything was as it should be.

**\--FIN--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are y'all emotional? i'm emotional... this fic got so much love and support and y'all made me so happy with the kudos and the comments and the bookmarks and the subscriptions... i see every one of you! Thank you so much for reading!!!


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